diff --git a/release/Dockerfile b/release/Dockerfile
index d369a4dc..bca942f1 100644
--- a/release/Dockerfile
+++ b/release/Dockerfile
@@ -42,6 +42,11 @@ yum-utils \
 
 ADD * /usr/local/bin/
 
+# HACK: Working around Node.js screwing around with stdio
+ENV NODE_PATH /usr/bin/node.real
+RUN mv /usr/bin/node /usr/bin/node.real
+ADD node-stdio-wrapper /usr/bin/node
+
 VOLUME /home/user /build
 WORKDIR /build
 USER user
diff --git a/release/node-stdio-wrapper b/release/node-stdio-wrapper
new file mode 100755
index 00000000..9a293faf
--- /dev/null
+++ b/release/node-stdio-wrapper
@@ -0,0 +1,17 @@
+#!/bin/sh
+
+# This is certified, A-grade, high quality turd polish. Node leaves
+# stdio file descriptors in non-blocking mode when exiting. This has
+# been reported, fixed, unfixed, ad nauseum.
+#
+# https://github.com/nodejs/node/issues/14752
+# https://github.com/nodejs/node/pull/17737
+# https://github.com/nodejs/node/pull/20592
+# https://github.com/nodejs/node/pull/21257
+#
+# It's starting to fester.
+
+OUT=$(/usr/bin/node.real "$@" 2>&1 </dev/null)
+ret=$?
+echo -n "$OUT"
+exit $ret