diff --git a/lib/npm.js b/lib/npm.js
index fe2ce5c6b818c..a922aafaf936e 100644
--- a/lib/npm.js
+++ b/lib/npm.js
@@ -311,9 +311,12 @@ class Npm extends EventEmitter {
 
   get flatOptions () {
     const { flat } = this.config
-    // the Arborist constructor is used almost everywhere we call pacote, it's easiest
-    // to attach it to flatOptions so it goes everywhere without having to touch every call
+    // the Arborist constructor is used almost everywhere we call pacote, it's
+    // easiest to attach it to flatOptions so it goes everywhere without having
+    // to touch every call
     flat.Arborist = Arborist
+    flat.nodeVersion = process.version
+    flat.npmVersion = pkg.version
     if (this.command) {
       flat.npmCommand = this.command
     }
diff --git a/lib/utils/config/definitions.js b/lib/utils/config/definitions.js
index 6d92651eb95f3..c9d76249c7b1e 100644
--- a/lib/utils/config/definitions.js
+++ b/lib/utils/config/definitions.js
@@ -1314,16 +1314,6 @@ define('node-options', {
   `,
 })
 
-define('node-version', {
-  default: process.version,
-  defaultDescription: 'Node.js `process.version` value',
-  type: semver,
-  description: `
-    The node version to use when checking a package's \`engines\` setting.
-  `,
-  flatten,
-})
-
 define('noproxy', {
   default: '',
   defaultDescription: `
@@ -1344,16 +1334,6 @@ define('noproxy', {
   },
 })
 
-define('npm-version', {
-  default: npmVersion,
-  defaultDescription: 'Output of `npm --version`',
-  type: semver,
-  description: `
-    The npm version to use when checking a package's \`engines\` setting.
-  `,
-  flatten,
-})
-
 define('offline', {
   default: false,
   type: Boolean,
@@ -2044,7 +2024,7 @@ define('tag-version-prefix', {
   type: String,
   description: `
     If set, alters the prefix used when tagging a new version when performing
-    a version increment using  \`npm-version\`. To remove the prefix
+    a version increment using  \`npm version\`. To remove the prefix
     altogether, set it to the empty string: \`""\`.
 
     Because other tools may rely on the convention that npm version tags look
@@ -2166,8 +2146,8 @@ define('user-agent', {
       inWorkspaces = true
     }
     flatOptions.userAgent =
-      value.replace(/\{node-version\}/gi, obj['node-version'])
-        .replace(/\{npm-version\}/gi, obj['npm-version'])
+      value.replace(/\{node-version\}/gi, process.version)
+        .replace(/\{npm-version\}/gi, npmVersion)
         .replace(/\{platform\}/gi, process.platform)
         .replace(/\{arch\}/gi, process.arch)
         .replace(/\{workspaces\}/gi, inWorkspaces)
diff --git a/tap-snapshots/test/lib/commands/config.js.test.cjs b/tap-snapshots/test/lib/commands/config.js.test.cjs
index 116ccea3a12ef..9f7b31d7a94b9 100644
--- a/tap-snapshots/test/lib/commands/config.js.test.cjs
+++ b/tap-snapshots/test/lib/commands/config.js.test.cjs
@@ -96,11 +96,9 @@ exports[`test/lib/commands/config.js TAP config list --json > output matches sna
   "maxsockets": 15,
   "message": "%s",
   "node-options": null,
-  "node-version": "{NODE-VERSION}",
   "noproxy": [
     ""
   ],
-  "npm-version": "{NPM-VERSION}",
   "offline": false,
   "omit": [],
   "omit-lockfile-registry-resolved": false,
@@ -252,9 +250,7 @@ maxsockets = 15
 message = "%s" 
 metrics-registry = "https://registry.npmjs.org/" 
 node-options = null 
-node-version = "{NODE-VERSION}" 
 noproxy = [""] 
-npm-version = "{NPM-VERSION}" 
 offline = false 
 omit = [] 
 omit-lockfile-registry-resolved = false 
diff --git a/tap-snapshots/test/lib/docs.js.test.cjs b/tap-snapshots/test/lib/docs.js.test.cjs
index 4ce9a30ef2817..44072441c9ce4 100644
--- a/tap-snapshots/test/lib/docs.js.test.cjs
+++ b/tap-snapshots/test/lib/docs.js.test.cjs
@@ -1361,13 +1361,6 @@ Options to pass through to Node.js via the \`NODE_OPTIONS\` environment
 variable. This does not impact how npm itself is executed but it does impact
 how lifecycle scripts are called.
 
-#### \`node-version\`
-
-* Default: Node.js \`process.version\` value
-* Type: SemVer string
-
-The node version to use when checking a package's \`engines\` setting.
-
 #### \`noproxy\`
 
 * Default: The value of the NO_PROXY environment variable
@@ -1377,13 +1370,6 @@ Domain extensions that should bypass any proxies.
 
 Also accepts a comma-delimited string.
 
-#### \`npm-version\`
-
-* Default: Output of \`npm --version\`
-* Type: SemVer string
-
-The npm version to use when checking a package's \`engines\` setting.
-
 #### \`offline\`
 
 * Default: false
@@ -1792,7 +1778,7 @@ tarball that will be compared with the local files by default.
 * Type: String
 
 If set, alters the prefix used when tagging a new version when performing a
-version increment using \`npm-version\`. To remove the prefix altogether, set
+version increment using \`npm version\`. To remove the prefix altogether, set
 it to the empty string: \`""\`.
 
 Because other tools may rely on the convention that npm version tags look
@@ -2190,9 +2176,7 @@ Array [
   "maxsockets",
   "message",
   "node-options",
-  "node-version",
   "noproxy",
-  "npm-version",
   "offline",
   "omit",
   "omit-lockfile-registry-resolved",
@@ -2326,9 +2310,7 @@ Array [
   "loglevel",
   "maxsockets",
   "message",
-  "node-version",
   "noproxy",
-  "npm-version",
   "offline",
   "omit",
   "omit-lockfile-registry-resolved",
diff --git a/test/fixtures/sandbox.js b/test/fixtures/sandbox.js
index 7e57468e0c5bb..1119a7d5f2cb7 100644
--- a/test/fixtures/sandbox.js
+++ b/test/fixtures/sandbox.js
@@ -6,6 +6,7 @@ const { promisify } = require('util')
 const mkdirp = require('mkdirp-infer-owner')
 const rimraf = promisify(require('rimraf'))
 const mockLogs = require('./mock-logs')
+const pkg = require('../../package.json')
 
 const chain = new Map()
 const sandboxes = new Map()
@@ -45,8 +46,6 @@ const _logs = Symbol('sandbox.logs')
 
 // these config keys can be redacted widely
 const redactedDefaults = [
-  'node-version',
-  'npm-version',
   'tmp',
 ]
 
@@ -155,6 +154,8 @@ class Sandbox extends EventEmitter {
       .split(normalize(homedir())).join('{REALHOME}')
       .split(this[_proxy].platform).join('{PLATFORM}')
       .split(this[_proxy].arch).join('{ARCH}')
+      .replace(new RegExp(process.version, 'g'), '{NODE-VERSION}')
+      .replace(new RegExp(pkg.version, 'g'), '{NPM-VERSION}')
 
     // We do the defaults after everything else so that they don't cause the
     // other cleaners to miss values we would have clobbered here.  For
diff --git a/test/lib/commands/config.js b/test/lib/commands/config.js
index 42df8b52d8e57..61e47244e890c 100644
--- a/test/lib/commands/config.js
+++ b/test/lib/commands/config.js
@@ -330,21 +330,21 @@ t.test('config get no args', async t => {
 t.test('config get single key', async t => {
   const sandbox = new Sandbox(t)
 
-  await sandbox.run('config', ['get', 'node-version'])
-  t.equal(sandbox.output, sandbox.config.get('node-version'), 'should get the value')
+  await sandbox.run('config', ['get', 'all'])
+  t.equal(sandbox.output, `${sandbox.config.get('all')}`, 'should get the value')
 })
 
 t.test('config get multiple keys', async t => {
   const sandbox = new Sandbox(t)
 
-  await sandbox.run('config', ['get', 'node-version', 'npm-version'])
+  await sandbox.run('config', ['get', 'yes', 'all'])
   t.ok(
-    sandbox.output.includes(`node-version=${sandbox.config.get('node-version')}`),
-    'outputs node-version'
+    sandbox.output.includes(`yes=${sandbox.config.get('yes')}`),
+    'outputs yes'
   )
   t.ok(
-    sandbox.output.includes(`npm-version=${sandbox.config.get('npm-version')}`),
-    'outputs npm-version'
+    sandbox.output.includes(`all=${sandbox.config.get('all')}`),
+    'outputs all'
   )
 })
 
diff --git a/test/lib/utils/config/definitions.js b/test/lib/utils/config/definitions.js
index 4b0f502b816ce..07d029c0290bb 100644
--- a/test/lib/utils/config/definitions.js
+++ b/test/lib/utils/config/definitions.js
@@ -1,6 +1,7 @@
 const t = require('tap')
 const { resolve } = require('path')
 const mockGlobals = require('../../../fixtures/mock-globals')
+const pkg = require('../../../../package.json')
 
 // have to fake the node version, or else it'll only pass on this one
 mockGlobals(t, { 'process.version': 'v14.8.0', 'process.env.NODE_ENV': undefined })
@@ -9,14 +10,6 @@ const mockDefs = (mocks = {}) => t.mock('../../../../lib/utils/config/definition
 
 const isWin = (isWindows) => ({ '../../../../lib/utils/is-windows.js': { isWindows } })
 
-t.test('node and npm versions', t => {
-  const definitions = mockDefs()
-  const pkg = require('../../../../package.json')
-  t.equal(definitions['npm-version'].default, pkg.version, 'npm-version default')
-  t.equal(definitions['node-version'].default, process.version, 'node-version default')
-  t.end()
-})
-
 t.test('basic flattening function camelCases from css-case', t => {
   const flat = {}
   const obj = { 'prefer-online': true }
@@ -745,11 +738,9 @@ t.test('detect CI', t => {
 t.test('user-agent', t => {
   const obj = {
     'user-agent': mockDefs()['user-agent'].default,
-    'npm-version': '1.2.3',
-    'node-version': '9.8.7',
   }
   const flat = {}
-  const expectNoCI = `npm/1.2.3 node/9.8.7 ` +
+  const expectNoCI = `npm/${pkg.version} node/${process.version} ` +
     `${process.platform} ${process.arch} workspaces/false`
   mockDefs()['user-agent'].flatten('user-agent', obj, flat)
   t.equal(flat.userAgent, expectNoCI)