diff --git a/lib/cli.js b/lib/cli.js
index f42132f944390..d4a67645858ae 100644
--- a/lib/cli.js
+++ b/lib/cli.js
@@ -53,7 +53,7 @@ module.exports = (process) => {
       npm.config.set('usage', false, 'cli')
     }
 
-    npm.updateNotification = await updateNotifier(npm)
+    updateNotifier(npm)
 
     const cmd = npm.argv.shift()
     const impl = npm.commands[cmd]
diff --git a/lib/utils/error-handler.js b/lib/utils/error-handler.js
index 1fc31df44ffb9..da716679d2705 100644
--- a/lib/utils/error-handler.js
+++ b/lib/utils/error-handler.js
@@ -119,7 +119,9 @@ const errorHandler = (er) => {
   if (cbCalled)
     er = er || new Error('Callback called more than once.')
 
-  if (npm.updateNotification) {
+  // only show the notification if it finished before the other stuff we
+  // were doing.  no need to hang on `npm -v` or something.
+  if (typeof npm.updateNotification === 'string') {
     const { level } = log
     log.level = log.levels.notice
     log.notice('', npm.updateNotification)
diff --git a/lib/utils/update-notifier.js b/lib/utils/update-notifier.js
index 1af948a2db45a..ed5806ced2a7d 100644
--- a/lib/utils/update-notifier.js
+++ b/lib/utils/update-notifier.js
@@ -21,23 +21,25 @@ const isGlobalNpmUpdate = npm => {
 const DAILY = 1000 * 60 * 60 * 24
 const WEEKLY = DAILY * 7
 
-const updateTimeout = async (npm, duration) => {
+// don't put it in the _cacache folder, just in npm's cache
+const lastCheckedFile = npm =>
+  resolve(npm.flatOptions.cache, '../_update-notifier-last-checked')
+
+const checkTimeout = async (npm, duration) => {
   const t = new Date(Date.now() - duration)
-  // don't put it in the _cacache folder, just in npm's cache
-  const f = resolve(npm.flatOptions.cache, '../_update-notifier-last-checked')
+  const f = lastCheckedFile(npm)
   // if we don't have a file, then definitely check it.
   const st = await stat(f).catch(() => ({ mtime: t - 1 }))
+  return t > st.mtime
+}
 
-  if (t > st.mtime) {
-    // best effort, if this fails, it's ok.
-    // might be using /dev/null as the cache or something weird like that.
-    await writeFile(f, '').catch(() => {})
-    return true
-  } else
-    return false
+const updateTimeout = async npm => {
+  // best effort, if this fails, it's ok.
+  // might be using /dev/null as the cache or something weird like that.
+  await writeFile(lastCheckedFile(npm), '').catch(() => {})
 }
 
-const updateNotifier = module.exports = async (npm, spec = 'latest') => {
+const updateNotifier = async (npm, spec = 'latest') => {
   // never check for updates in CI, when updating npm already, or opted out
   if (!npm.config.get('update-notifier') ||
       isGlobalNpmUpdate(npm) ||
@@ -57,7 +59,7 @@ const updateNotifier = module.exports = async (npm, spec = 'latest') => {
   const duration = spec !== 'latest' ? DAILY : WEEKLY
 
   // if we've already checked within the specified duration, don't check again
-  if (!(await updateTimeout(npm, duration)))
+  if (!(await checkTimeout(npm, duration)))
     return null
 
   // if they're currently using a prerelease, nudge to the next prerelease
@@ -113,3 +115,11 @@ const updateNotifier = module.exports = async (npm, spec = 'latest') => {
 
   return messagec
 }
+
+// only update the notification timeout if we actually finished checking
+module.exports = async npm => {
+  const notification = await updateNotifier(npm)
+  // intentional.  do not await this.  it's a best-effort update.
+  updateTimeout(npm)
+  npm.updateNotification = notification
+}
diff --git a/test/lib/cli.js b/test/lib/cli.js
index f491c6174b85e..42e05cc5d14c3 100644
--- a/test/lib/cli.js
+++ b/test/lib/cli.js
@@ -45,6 +45,7 @@ const npmlogMock = {
 
 const cli = t.mock('../../lib/cli.js', {
   '../../lib/npm.js': npmock,
+  '../../lib/utils/update-notifier.js': async () => null,
   '../../lib/utils/did-you-mean.js': () => '\ntest did you mean',
   '../../lib/utils/unsupported.js': unsupportedMock,
   '../../lib/utils/error-handler.js': errorHandlerMock,
diff --git a/test/lib/utils/update-notifier.js b/test/lib/utils/update-notifier.js
index 9748a92a8ae7b..dc0a64ff46127 100644
--- a/test/lib/utils/update-notifier.js
+++ b/test/lib/utils/update-notifier.js
@@ -86,9 +86,14 @@ t.afterEach(() => {
   WRITE_ERROR = null
 })
 
+const runUpdateNotifier = async npm => {
+  await updateNotifier(npm)
+  return npm.updateNotification
+}
+
 t.test('situations in which we do not notify', t => {
   t.test('nothing to do if notifier disabled', async t => {
-    t.equal(await updateNotifier({
+    t.equal(await runUpdateNotifier({
       ...npm,
       config: { get: (k) => k !== 'update-notifier' },
     }), null)
@@ -96,7 +101,7 @@ t.test('situations in which we do not notify', t => {
   })
 
   t.test('do not suggest update if already updating', async t => {
-    t.equal(await updateNotifier({
+    t.equal(await runUpdateNotifier({
       ...npm,
       flatOptions: { ...flatOptions, global: true },
       command: 'install',
@@ -106,7 +111,7 @@ t.test('situations in which we do not notify', t => {
   })
 
   t.test('do not suggest update if already updating with spec', async t => {
-    t.equal(await updateNotifier({
+    t.equal(await runUpdateNotifier({
       ...npm,
       flatOptions: { ...flatOptions, global: true },
       command: 'install',
@@ -116,31 +121,31 @@ t.test('situations in which we do not notify', t => {
   })
 
   t.test('do not update if same as latest', async t => {
-    t.equal(await updateNotifier(npm), null)
+    t.equal(await runUpdateNotifier(npm), null)
     t.strictSame(MANIFEST_REQUEST, ['npm@latest'], 'requested latest version')
   })
   t.test('check if stat errors (here for coverage)', async t => {
     STAT_ERROR = new Error('blorg')
-    t.equal(await updateNotifier(npm), null)
+    t.equal(await runUpdateNotifier(npm), null)
     t.strictSame(MANIFEST_REQUEST, ['npm@latest'], 'requested latest version')
   })
   t.test('ok if write errors (here for coverage)', async t => {
     WRITE_ERROR = new Error('grolb')
-    t.equal(await updateNotifier(npm), null)
+    t.equal(await runUpdateNotifier(npm), null)
     t.strictSame(MANIFEST_REQUEST, ['npm@latest'], 'requested latest version')
   })
   t.test('ignore pacote failures (here for coverage)', async t => {
     PACOTE_ERROR = new Error('pah-KO-tchay')
-    t.equal(await updateNotifier(npm), null)
+    t.equal(await runUpdateNotifier(npm), null)
     t.strictSame(MANIFEST_REQUEST, ['npm@latest'], 'requested latest version')
   })
   t.test('do not update if newer than latest, but same as next', async t => {
-    t.equal(await updateNotifier({ ...npm, version: NEXT_VERSION }), null)
+    t.equal(await runUpdateNotifier({ ...npm, version: NEXT_VERSION }), null)
     const reqs = ['npm@latest', `npm@^${NEXT_VERSION}`]
     t.strictSame(MANIFEST_REQUEST, reqs, 'requested latest and next versions')
   })
   t.test('do not update if on the latest beta', async t => {
-    t.equal(await updateNotifier({ ...npm, version: CURRENT_BETA }), null)
+    t.equal(await runUpdateNotifier({ ...npm, version: CURRENT_BETA }), null)
     const reqs = [`npm@^${CURRENT_BETA}`]
     t.strictSame(MANIFEST_REQUEST, reqs, 'requested latest and next versions')
   })
@@ -150,21 +155,21 @@ t.test('situations in which we do not notify', t => {
       ciMock = null
     })
     ciMock = 'something'
-    t.equal(await updateNotifier(npm), null)
+    t.equal(await runUpdateNotifier(npm), null)
     t.strictSame(MANIFEST_REQUEST, [], 'no requests for manifests')
   })
 
   t.test('only check weekly for GA releases', async t => {
     // One week (plus five minutes to account for test environment fuzziness)
     STAT_MTIME = Date.now() - (1000 * 60 * 60 * 24 * 7) + (1000 * 60 * 5)
-    t.equal(await updateNotifier(npm), null)
+    t.equal(await runUpdateNotifier(npm), null)
     t.strictSame(MANIFEST_REQUEST, [], 'no requests for manifests')
   })
 
   t.test('only check daily for betas', async t => {
     // One day (plus five minutes to account for test environment fuzziness)
     STAT_MTIME = Date.now() - (1000 * 60 * 60 * 24) + (1000 * 60 * 5)
-    t.equal(await updateNotifier({ ...npm, version: HAVE_BETA }), null)
+    t.equal(await runUpdateNotifier({ ...npm, version: HAVE_BETA }), null)
     t.strictSame(MANIFEST_REQUEST, [], 'no requests for manifests')
   })
 
@@ -174,43 +179,43 @@ t.test('situations in which we do not notify', t => {
 t.test('notification situations', t => {
   t.test('new beta available', async t => {
     const version = HAVE_BETA
-    t.matchSnapshot(await updateNotifier({ ...npm, version }), 'color')
-    t.matchSnapshot(await updateNotifier({ ...npmNoColor, version }), 'no color')
+    t.matchSnapshot(await runUpdateNotifier({ ...npm, version }), 'color')
+    t.matchSnapshot(await runUpdateNotifier({ ...npmNoColor, version }), 'no color')
     t.strictSame(MANIFEST_REQUEST, [`npm@^${version}`, `npm@^${version}`])
   })
 
   t.test('patch to next version', async t => {
     const version = NEXT_PATCH
-    t.matchSnapshot(await updateNotifier({ ...npm, version }), 'color')
-    t.matchSnapshot(await updateNotifier({ ...npmNoColor, version }), 'no color')
+    t.matchSnapshot(await runUpdateNotifier({ ...npm, version }), 'color')
+    t.matchSnapshot(await runUpdateNotifier({ ...npmNoColor, version }), 'no color')
     t.strictSame(MANIFEST_REQUEST, ['npm@latest', `npm@^${version}`, 'npm@latest', `npm@^${version}`])
   })
 
   t.test('minor to next version', async t => {
     const version = NEXT_MINOR
-    t.matchSnapshot(await updateNotifier({ ...npm, version }), 'color')
-    t.matchSnapshot(await updateNotifier({ ...npmNoColor, version }), 'no color')
+    t.matchSnapshot(await runUpdateNotifier({ ...npm, version }), 'color')
+    t.matchSnapshot(await runUpdateNotifier({ ...npmNoColor, version }), 'no color')
     t.strictSame(MANIFEST_REQUEST, ['npm@latest', `npm@^${version}`, 'npm@latest', `npm@^${version}`])
   })
 
   t.test('patch to current', async t => {
     const version = CURRENT_PATCH
-    t.matchSnapshot(await updateNotifier({ ...npm, version }), 'color')
-    t.matchSnapshot(await updateNotifier({ ...npmNoColor, version }), 'no color')
+    t.matchSnapshot(await runUpdateNotifier({ ...npm, version }), 'color')
+    t.matchSnapshot(await runUpdateNotifier({ ...npmNoColor, version }), 'no color')
     t.strictSame(MANIFEST_REQUEST, ['npm@latest', 'npm@latest'])
   })
 
   t.test('minor to current', async t => {
     const version = CURRENT_MINOR
-    t.matchSnapshot(await updateNotifier({ ...npm, version }), 'color')
-    t.matchSnapshot(await updateNotifier({ ...npmNoColor, version }), 'no color')
+    t.matchSnapshot(await runUpdateNotifier({ ...npm, version }), 'color')
+    t.matchSnapshot(await runUpdateNotifier({ ...npmNoColor, version }), 'no color')
     t.strictSame(MANIFEST_REQUEST, ['npm@latest', 'npm@latest'])
   })
 
   t.test('major to current', async t => {
     const version = CURRENT_MAJOR
-    t.matchSnapshot(await updateNotifier({ ...npm, version }), 'color')
-    t.matchSnapshot(await updateNotifier({ ...npmNoColor, version }), 'no color')
+    t.matchSnapshot(await runUpdateNotifier({ ...npm, version }), 'color')
+    t.matchSnapshot(await runUpdateNotifier({ ...npmNoColor, version }), 'no color')
     t.strictSame(MANIFEST_REQUEST, ['npm@latest', 'npm@latest'])
   })