Saying "no" is a valuable skill

[ashfurrow]

• Advice from Ken about not backing out of things, creates a bad reputation in a relatively tight-knit industry.
• knowing your limits, knowing yourself
• knowing when you need time to recover, getting to know your internal schedule.
• Learning to know when to say no
• Learning how to say know honestly, and tactfully "I wish I could, but I can't" is easy, and true.
• Giving yourself permission to say no. You have a finite amount of attention, saying "yes" means taking away attention from someone else, or yourself, which is taking attention away from everyone else.
• Recognizing the signs that I was getting in too deep again, as of a few months ago.
• Currently saying something like: "I don't have time to dedicate to this, and don't want to do a subpar job"
• Benefits of learning this skill (mental health, physical health, happiness)
• Always act out of love

[ashfurrow]

Questions in the lead up to Dec 2009 that I said yes to:

• Would you like to stay on part time at RIM 20 hours/week?
• Would you like to be a RIM campus ambassador?
• Would you like to lead the CS undergrad association?
• Would you like to work Friday nights at the university helpdesk?

I became so stressed, I called in sick most days to both my jobs, grads suffered, I was miserable. Eventually, suicidal. My wife took me to counselling in December, and eventually we focused on learning my limits, when and how to say no, etc. It wasn't an overnight change, I struggled up until the end of 2010 with Ken, but things got easier.

I find myself in a similar spot today, asking similar questions, but I'm more prepared.