Last night, I played HoK late instead of Sleep early. But I have to get up early to go to bank with sister. There was a conflicts between feelings. I chose HoK since it was in front of eye. Imagination thus is needed to strength the later.
I need to start from yesterday at this moment. So where I was yesterday? Memory deep dive I remembered. I have to switch to Algorithms now. It's not a smooth step, but the outside pressure have to be taken now and I will get relax after that.
Touching, Following, Listening, Feeling, Absorbed in, Humble, Drown in, Quantity, Discrete, Habit, Accumulation. Only then comes connections and meanings. Connections and meanings actually are only later stuff. Thus guidance from senior is needed since he will arrange points that fitting into a shape while I can only know after discretion.
How about HoK? Each round can be seen as a discrete point. Why I still keep playing round after round? Maybe its because I always play one hero MengQi, which acts as a solid core to connect out.
I get nervous when interviewing time comes to near.
I switch to prepare for self-introduction. Again, it's discrete from algos. This discrete is caused from multiple aspects progressing.
After the interview, I feel exhausted and don't want to work anymore. I just want to relax. I made a fresh review and wen to dinner. Now I am back. Why is interviewing so exhausting? One reason is that its a kind of social-interaction and evaluation. Also as an arrange event it put pressures on me so I was not behaving smoothing previous time. As Smoothing is among my aesthetics I need to say goodbye to this interview thus I can go back to my smooth routine. Then why I even agree to take part in this interview? Even with this cost, I still take part in. There must be some valuable thing I need from this interview. That must come from social-evaluation part of interviewing. Through social-evaluation, I get to feel what does they want and they get to know how I am comparing to others. What benefits does this knowing-each-other bring? It's like boy and girl getting to relationships. A human need relationships. So a company needs employees and an employee needs a company. This getting-to-know-each help both sides come along. A fact occurs to my mind that each human is so different and way of living, studying, working, creating is so different and infinite. While any grand career requires cooperations and human-resource-scaling facing complex situations. Thus getting-to-know each has a valid and strong aim. A question comes naturally: does getting-to-know-each-other itself has value or does this process has no value itself? I now think this process give each other direction. So when each other come back to its own space, he will has more motivation, hope, belief to going on. It seems Human-Society is built on top of Direction. That is, Human in one era, in one generation, in one country, in one age has his direction. If direction is so important that human behavior is second then I should put Direction into my aesthetics. Direction > Doing ? It's not because direction is itself important. Doing is itself important. Doing is leaf, is texture, is steps. Direction is only important in Guiding Doing. Without Doing, Direction is nothing. But a human should see Direction first then arrange Doing. Can a human put all his efforts and time into doing? That's not possible since a human need at least eating and sleeping. Thus I can arrange Direction in eating and sleeping, in this way, I can keep the status and importance of Doing as First.
Coming back to the original question, why interviewing is so exhausted for me?
- I did what I didn't want to do
- I put Doing before Direction but I sacrifice Doing for Direction
- I sacrifice Smoothing a bit previous time.
- Social&Evaluation
- Facing Social&Evaluation, I have to put my mental-energy on what the other want and what the other dislike.
All of this curt part of myself out.