watto

#!/usr/local/bin/perl
use strict;
use vars qw($channel %data $irc $conn);
use Net::IRC;
use lib qw(/home/nandu/projects/07_watto);
#require 'nick_canon.pl';

my (@zippy) = 
  (
   "I am a traffic light, and Alan Ginsberg kidnapped my laundry in 1927!",
   "I'm a GENIUS!  I want to dispute sentence structure with SUSAN SONTAG!!",
   "Now I'm telling MISS PIGGY about MONEY MARKET FUNDS!",
   "I have a VISION!  It's a RANCID double-FISHWICH on an ENRICHED BUN!!",
   "My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling Alley!!",
   "I always liked FLAG DAY!!",
   "I will establish the first SHOPPING MALL in NUTLEY, New Jersey...",
   "I used to be STUPID, too..before I started watching UHF-TV!!",
   "I smell like a wet reducing clinic on Columbus Day!",
   "Just walk along and try NOT to think about your INTESTINES being almost FORTY YARDS LONG!!",
   "It's the RINSE CYCLE!!  They've ALL IGNORED the RINSE CYCLE!!",
   "Yow!  It's some people inside the wall!  This is better than mopping!",
   "Is the EIGHTIES when they had ART DECO and GERALD McBOING-BOING lunch boxes??",
   "This PIZZA symbolizes my COMPLETE EMOTIONAL RECOVERY!!",
   "I call it a \"SARDINE ON WHEAT\"!",
   "Is it FUN to be a MIDGET?",
   "Someone in DAYTON, Ohio is selling USED CARPETS to a SERBO-CROATIAN!!",
  );

my (@quote_requests) = (
			"Sorry, %s, I don't do requests.",
			'What am I, your mom?  Do it yourself, %s.',
			"Right, %s, *I'm* gonna quote %s just for you.",
		       );

my (@sarcasm) = (
		 'I used to be stupid, too...',
		 'Just stop talking to me.',
		 "You're bothering me.",
		 "Is it just me, or is everyone amused by what %s just said?",
		 );
		 

my ($nandu, %st_memory);

$channel = shift;
print "channel: $channel\n";
$irc = new Net::IRC;
$conn = $irc->newconn(Nick => 'watto',
		      Server => 'irc.cimedia.com',
		      Port => 6667,
		      Ircname => 'I am in development',
		     );
    
$conn->add_handler(['376', '422'], \&on_connect);
$conn->add_handler('public', \&on_public);
$conn->add_handler('msg', \&on_msg);
$conn->add_global_handler(353, \&on_names);
$irc->start;

sub on_connect 
{
    my $self = shift;
    print "Attempting to join $channel\n";
    $self->join("$channel");
}

sub on_address {
    
}

sub on_public {
    my ($self, $event) = @_;
    my ($nick) = $event->nick;
    my ($arg) = $event->args;
    my ($num) = rand ();
    my (@stuff) = (@quote_requests, @sarcasm);
    my ($msg);
    
    if ($num < .01) {
	if ($num < .005) {
	    $self->privmsg ($channel, "you got *that* right\n");
	}

	else {
	    $self->privmsg ($channel, $zippy[rand (@zippy)]);
	}
    }

    elsif ($arg =~ /^watto/i) {
	if ($arg =~ /quote\s+(.+)/) {
	    $msg = sprintf ($stuff[rand (@stuff)], $nick, $1);
	    $self->privmsg ($channel, "$msg\n");
	}

	elsif ($nick eq 'sitio') {
	    if ($arg =~  /(a|an|the|these|those)\s+
		          (\w+)\s+
                          (is|are)\s+
                          (.+)?
                          (,|\.|;|\?|\!)/ix) {
		$msg = "Right, sitio, \L$1\E *$2* $3 $4";
	    }

	    elsif ($arg =~ /(i\'m|i am)\s+(.+?)(,|\.|;|\?|\!)/i) {
		$msg = "Right, *you* are $2";
	    }

	    else {
		undef ($msg);
	    }

	    $self->privmsg ($channel, $msg) if rand () < .1;
	}

	else {
	    $self->privmsg ($sarcasm[rand (@sarcasm)]);
	} 
    }
}

sub on_names
{
    my ($self, $event) = @_;
    my (@list) = $event->args ();

    print "names? @list\n";
}

sub on_msg
{
    my ($self, $event) = @_;
    my ($nick) = $event->nick ();
    my ($args) = $event->args ();
    my (@x, $file);


    # how do we know who the REAL nandu is?
    # issue a challenge that only the real nandu could answer
    if ($args eq "Watto, it's me") {
	$st_memory{'challenge_nandu'}++;
	$st_memory{'nandu_nick'} = $nick;
	$^T = time;
	$self->privmsg ($nick, "How can I be sure?\n");
    }

    elsif ($nick eq $st_memory{'nandu_nick'} and 
	   $st_memory{'challenge_nandu'} and $args =~ /^because/i) {
	($file) = $args =~ /^because I just made (.+)/i;
	print "$file $^T ", -M $file, "\n";
	if ((-e $file) and (-M $file < 0)) { 
	    $self->privmsg ($nick, "One can never be too sure\n");
	    $nandu = $nick;
	}

	else {
	    $self->privmsg ($nick, 
			    "Impostor!  This incident will be noted.\n");
	    
	}

	delete ($st_memory{'challenge_nandu'});
	delete ($st_memory{'nandu_nick'});
    }

    elsif ($nick eq $nandu) {
	if ($args =~ /say (.+)/i) {
	    $self->privmsg ($channel, "$1\n");
	}

	elsif ($args =~ /zwrite (\S+) (.+)/) {
	    system ('/usr/local/bin/zwrite', $1, '-m', $2);
	}

	elsif ($args =~ /who the fuck is (.+)/) {
	    @x = $self->who ($1);
	    print "@x\n";
	}
    }

    else {
	$self->privmsg ($nick, $zippy[rand (@zippy)]);
    }
}



sub pick_a_word {
    my $self = shift;
    
    if (not defined $data{'num_words'}) {
	my ($num_words) = `/usr/bin/wc -l /usr/dict/words` =~ m%(\d+)%;
	$data{num_words} = $num_words;
    }
    
    my $line_num = int(rand $data{'num_words'});
    my $msg = "Ok, i'll pick the word on line $line_num\n";
    $self->privmsg("$channel", "$msg");
    open DICT, '</usr/dict/words' or 
      $self->privmsg($channel, "Can't open my dictionary");
    for (my $i=0; $i < $line_num; $i++) {
	my $toss_word = <DICT>;
    }
    my $word = <DICT>;
    close DICT;
    $self->privmsg($channel, "My word is $word\n");
    $data{'my_word'} = $word;
}