yow

#!/usr/bin/perl # #Zippy the pinhead data base. The official copy of this is in the file # "MLY;YOW >" on AI.AI.MIT.EDU #Everything up to the first ascii \000 (`null') character is a comment. #The file consits of zippy quotations (from various comic books and # strips by Bill Griffith) followed by a null character. # Newline chracters following a quotation are ignored and are present # only for readability. #Have FUN! #This file is currently used by: # * the FORTUNE program on OZ.AI.MIT.EDU # * the m-x yow command in GNU Emacs. # * NIL (MIT Common Lisp)'s debugger # * something bandy wrote at LLL-CRG.ARPA (fucking death labs). @quotes=( q/if it GLISTENS, gobble it!!/, q/In 1962, you could buy a pair of SHARKSKIN SLACKS, with a ``Continental Belt,'' for $10.99!!/, q/``I love KATRINKA because she drives a PONTIAC. We're going away now. I fed the cat. - Zippy''/, q/I have seen the FUN ---/, q/Do you like ``TENDER VITTLES?''?/, q/I don't know why but, suddenly, I want to discuss declining I.Q. LEVELS with a blue ribbon SENATE SUB-COMMITTEE!/, q/I don't understand the HUMOUR of the THREE STOOGES!!/, q/I feel.. JUGULAR../, q/I have a VISION! It's a RANCID double-FISHWICH on an ENRICHED BUN!!/, q/I see TOILET SEATS.../, q/I think I'd better go back to my DESK and toy with a few common MISAPPREHENSIONS.../, q/I think I'll KILL myself by leaping out of this 14th STOREY WINDOW while reading ERICA JONG'S poetry!!/, q/I want FORTY-TWO TRYNEL FLOATATION SYSTEMS installed within SIX AND A HALF HOURS!!!/, q/I want a COLOR T.V. and a VIBRATING BED!!!/, q/I want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!!/, q/I wonder if I ought to tell them about my PREVIOUS LIFE as a COMPLETE STRANGER?/, q/I'm IMAGINING a sensuous GIRAFFE, CAVORTING in the BACK ROOM of a KOSHER DELI /, q/If I had heart failure right now, I couldn't be a more fortunate man!!/, q/Like I always say nothing can beat the BRATWURST here in DUSSELDORF!!/, q/My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling Alley!!/, q/My vaseline is RUNNING.../, q/Now I think I just reached the state of HYPERTENSION that comes JUST BEFORE you see the TOTAL at the SAFEWAY CHECKOUT COUNTER!/, q/Now KEN and BARBIE are PERMANENTLY ADDICTED to MIND-ALTERING DRUGS../, q/Once upon a time, four AMPHIBIOUS HOG CALLERS attacked a family of DEFENSELESS, SENSITIVE COIN COLLECTORS and brought DOWN their PROPERTY VALUES!!/, q/One FISHWICH coming up!!/, q/Should I get locked in the PRINCICAL'S OFFICE today or have a VASECTOMY??/, q/So, if we convert SUPPLY-SIDE SOYABEAN FUTURES into HIGH-YIELD T-BILL INDICATORS, the PRE-INFLATIONARY risks will DWINDLE to a rate of 2 SHOPPING SPREES per EGGPLANT!!/, q/are the STEWED PRUNES still in the HAIR DRYER?/, q/bleakness.... desolation.... plastic forks.../, q/does your DRESSING ROOM have enough ASPARAGUS?/, q/he dominates the DECADENT SUBWAY SCENE./, q/here I am in 53 B.C. and all I want is a dill pickle!!/, q/hubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub./, q/ich bin in einem dusenjet ins jahr 53 vor chr... ich lande im antiken Rom... einige gladiatoren spielen scrabble... ich rieche PIZZA.../, q/my NOSE is NUMB!/, q/or were you driving the PONTIAC that HONKED at me in MIAMI last Tuesday?/, q/over in west Philadelphia a puppy is vomiting../, q/someone in DAYTON, Ohio is selling USED CARPETS to a SERBO-CROATIAN/, q/the HIGHWAY is made out of LIME JELLO and my HONDA is a barbequeued OYSTER! Yum!/, q/the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!!/, q/this must be what it's like to be a COLLEGE GRADUATE!!/, q/A can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAQUIRI!!/, q/A dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit!/, q/A shapely CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRL is FIDGETING inside my costume../, q/A wide-eyed, innocent UNICORN, poised delicately in a MEADOW filled with LILACS, LOLLIPOPS & small CHILDREN at the HUSH of twilight??/, q/ANN JILLIAN'S HAIR makes LONI ANDERSON'S HAIR look like RICARDO MONTALBAN'S HAIR!/, q/Actually, what I'd like is a little toy spaceship!!/, q/All I can think of is a platter of organic PRUNE CRISPS being trampled by an army of swarthy, Italian LOUNGE SINGERS.../, q/All of a sudden, I want to THROW OVER my promising ACTING CAREER, grow a LONG BLACK BEARD and wear a BASEBALL HAT!! ... Although I don't know WHY!!/, q/All of life is a blur of Republicans and meat!/, q/All right, you degenerates! I want this place evacuated in 20 seconds!/, q/All this time I've been VIEWING a RUSSIAN MIDGET SODOMIZE a HOUSECAT!/, q/Alright, you!! Imitate a WOUNDED SEAL pleading for a PARKING SPACE!!/, q/Am I SHOPLIFTING?/, q/Am I accompanied by a PARENT or GUARDIAN?/, q/Am I elected yet?/, q/Am I in GRADUATE SCHOOL yet?/, q/America!! I saw it all!! Vomiting! Waving! JERRY FALWELLING into your void tube of UHF oblivion!! SAFEWAY of the mind /, q/An INK-LING? Sure TAKE one!! Did you BUY any COMMUNIST UNIFORMS??/, q/An Italian is COMBING his hair in suburban DES MOINES!/, q/An air of FRENCH FRIES permeates my nostrils!!/, q/And furthermore, my bowling average is unimpeachable!!!/, q/Are we THERE yet?/, q/Are we THERE yet? My MIND is a SUBMARINE!!/, q/Are we live or on tape?/, q/Are we on STRIKE yet?/, q/Are you mentally here at Pizza Hut??/, q/Are you selling NYLON OIL WELLS?? If so, we can use TWO DOZEN!!/, q/Are you still an ALCOHOLIC?/, q/As President I have to go vacuum my coin collection!/, q/Awright, which one of you hid my PENIS ENVY?/, q/BARBARA STANWYCK makes me nervous!!/, q/BARRY.. That was the most HEART-WARMING rendition of/, q/ ``I DID IT MY WAY'' I've ever heard!!/, q/BELA LUGOSI is my co-pilot../, q/Barbie says, Take quaaludes in gin and go to a disco right away! But Ken says, WOO-WOO!! No credit at ``Mr. Liquor''!!/, q/Being a BALD HERO is almost as FESTIVE as a TATTOOED KNOCKWURST./, q/Bo Derek ruined my life!/, q/Boy, am I glad it's only 1971.../, q/Boys, you have ALL been selected to LEAVE th' PLANET in 15 minutes!!/, q/But was he mature enough last night at the lesbian masquerade?/, q/CHUBBY CHECKER just had a CHICKEN SANDWICH in downtown DULUTH!/, q/CONGRATULATIONS! Now should I make thinly veiled comments about DIGNITY, self-esteem and finding TRUE FUN in your RIGHT VENTRICLE??/, q/Can I have an IMPULSE ITEM instead?/, q/Can you MAIL a BEAN CAKE?/, q/Catsup and Mustard all over the place! It's the Human Hamburger!/, q/Civilization is fun! Anyway, it keeps me busy!!/, q/Clear the laundromat!! This whirl-o-matic just had a nuclear meltdown!!/, q/Concentrate on th'cute, li'l CARTOON GUYS!/, q/Remember the SERIAL NUMBERS!! Follow the WHIPPLE AVE EXIT!!/, q/Have a FREE PEPSI!! Turn LEFT at th'HOLIDAY INN!!/, q/JOIN the CREDIT WORLD!! MAKE me an OFFER!!!/, q/Content: 80% POLYESTER, 20% DACRON.. The waitress's UNIFORM sheds TARTAR SAUCE like an 8'' by 10'' GLOSSY../, q/Could I have a drug overdose?/, q/DIDI... is that a MARTIAN name, or, are we in ISRAEL?/, q/DON'T go!! I'm not HOWARD COSELL!! I know POLISH JOKES... WAIT!! Don't go!! I AM Howard Cosell!... And I DON'T know Polish jokes!!/, q/Did I SELL OUT yet??/, q/Did I do an INCORRECT THING??/, q/Did I say I was a sardine? Or a bus???/, q/Did YOU find a DIGITAL WATCH in YOUR box of VELVEETA?/, q/Did an Italian CRANE OPERATOR just experience uninhibited sensations in a MALIBU HOT TUB?/, q/Did you move a lot of KOREAN STEAK KNIVES this trip, Dingy?/, q/Didn't I buy a 1951 Packard from you last March in Cairo?/, q/Disco oil bussing will create a throbbing naugahide pipeline running straight to the tropics from the rug producing regions and devalue the dollar!/, q/Do I have a lifestyle yet?/, q/Do you guys know we just passed thru a BLACK HOLE in space?/, q/Do you have exactly what I want in a plaid poindexter bar bat??/, q/Do you think the ``Monkees'' should get gas on odd or even days?/, q/Does someone from PEORIA have a SHORTER ATTENTION span than me?/, q/Don't SANFORIZE me!!/, q/Don't hit me!! I'm in the Twilight Zone!!!/, q/Don't worry, nobody really LISTENS to lectures in MOSCOW, either!/, q/ .. FRENCH, HISTORY, ADVANCED CALCULUS, COMPUTER PROGRAMMING,/, q/ BLACK STUDIES, SOCIOBIOLOGY!.. Are there any QUESTIONS??/, q/Edwin Meese made me wear CORDOVANS!!/, q/Eisenhower!! Your mimeograph machine upsets my stomach!!/, q/Either CONFESS now or we go to ``PEOPLE'S COURT''!!/, q/Everybody gets free BORSCHT!/, q/Everybody is going somewhere!! It's probably a garage sale/, q/ or a disaster Movie!!/, q/Everywhere I look I see NEGATIVITY and ASPHALT.../, q/Excuse me, but didn't I tell you there's NO HOPE for the/, q/ survival of OFFSET PRINTING?/, q/FEELINGS are cascading over me!!!/, q/FOOLED you! Absorb EGO SHATTERING impulse rays, polyester poltroon!!/, q/FROZEN ENTREES may be flung by members of opposing SWANSON SECTS../, q/FUN is never having to say you're SUSHI!!/, q/Finally, Zippy drives his 1958 RAMBLER METROPOLITAN into the/, q/ faculty dining room./, q/First, I'm going to give you all the ANSWERS to today's test../, q/ So just plug in your SONY WALKMANS and relax!!/, q/Four thousand different MAGNATES, MOGULS & NABOBS are romping in my/, q/ gothic solarium!!/, q/GOOD-NIGHT, everybody.. Now I have to go administer FIRST-AID/, q/ to my pet LEISURE SUIT!!/, q/Gee, I feel kind of LIGHT in the head now, knowing I can't make/, q/ my satellite dish PAYMENTS!/, q/Gibble, Gobble, we ACCEPT YOU -/, q/Give them RADAR-GUIDED SKEE-BALL LANES and VELVEETA BURRITOS!!/, q/Go on, EMOTE! I was RAISED on thought balloons!!/, q/HAIR TONICS, please!!/, q/HELLO KITTY gang terrorizes town, family STICKERED to death!/, q/HELLO, everybody, I'm a HUMAN!!/, q/HOORAY, Ronald!! Now YOU can marry LINDA RONSTADT too!!/, q/HUGH BEAUMONT died in 1982!!/, q/HUMAN REPLICAS are inserted into VATS of NUTRITIONAL YEAST.../, q/Half a mind is a terrible thing to waste!/, q/Hand me a pair of leather pants and a CASIO keyboard/, q/ I'm living for today!/, q/Has everybody got HALVAH spread all over their ANKLES??.../, q/ Now, it's time to ``HAVE A NAGEELA''!!/, q/He is the MELBA-BEING... the ANGEL CAKE.../, q/ XEROX him... XEROX him /, q/He probably just wants to take over my CELLS and then EXPLODE/, q/ inside me like a BARREL of runny CHOPPED LIVER! Or maybe he'd/, q/ like to PSYCHOLIGICALLY TERRORISE ME until I have no objection/, q/ to a RIGHT-WING MILITARY TAKEOVER of my apartment!! I guess/, q/ I should call AL PACINO!/, q/Hello, GORRY-O!! I'm a GENIUS from HARVARD!!/, q/Hello. I know the divorce rate among unmarried Catholic/, q/ Alaskan females!!/, q/Hello. Just walk along and try NOT to think about your/, q/ INTESTINES being almost FORTY YARDS LONG!!/, q/Hello... IRON CURTAIN? Send over a SAUSAGE PIZZA! World War III? No thanks!/, q/Hello? Enema Bondage? I'm calling because I want to be happy, I guess../, q/Here I am at the flea market but nobody is buying my urine sample bottles../, q/Here I am in the POSTERIOR OLFACTORY LOBULE but I don't see CARL SAGAN anywhere!!/, q/Here we are in America... when do we collect unemployment?/, q/Hey, wait a minute!! I want a divorce!!.. you're not Clint Eastwood!!/, q/Hey, waiter! I want a NEW SHIRT and a PONY TAIL with lemon sauce!/, q/Hiccuping & trembling into the WASTE DUMPS of New Jersey like some/, q/ drunken CABBAGE PATCH DOLL, coughing in line at FIORUCCI'S!!/, q/Hmmm.. A hash-singer and a cross-eyed guy were SLEEPING on a deserted /, q/ island, when.../, q/Hmmm.. a CRIPPLED ACCOUNTANT with a FALAFEL sandwich is HIT/, q/ by a TROLLEY-CAR../, q/Hmmm... a PINHEAD, during an EARTHQUAKE, encounters an ALL-MIDGET FIDDLE/, q/ ORCHESTRA... ha.. ha../, q/Hmmm... an arrogant bouquet with a subtle suggestion of/, q/ POLYVINYL CHLORIDE.../, q/Hold the MAYO & pass the COSMIC AWARENESS.../, q/How do I get HOME?/, q/How do you explain Wayne Newton's POWER over millions?/, q/ It's th' MOUSTACHE... Have you ever noticed th' way it radiates/, q/ SINCERITY, HONESTY & WARMTH? It's a MOUSTACHE you want to take/, q/ HOME and introduce to NANCY SINATRA!/, q/How many retured bricklayers from FLORIDA are out purchasing/, q/ PENCIL SHARPENERS right NOW??/, q/How's it going in those MODULAR LOVE UNITS??/, q/How's the wife? Is she at home enjoying capitalism?/, q/I HAVE to buy a new ``DODGE MISER'' and two dozen JORDACHE/, q/ JEANS because my viewscreen is ``USER-FRIENDLY''!!/, q/I KAISER ROLL?! What good is a Kaiser Roll without a little/, q/ COLE SLAW on the SIDE?/, q/I Know A Joke/, q/I always have fun because I'm out of my mind!!!/, q/I am NOT a nut..../, q/I am a jelly donut. I am a jelly donut./, q/I am a traffic light, and Alan Ginzberg kidnapped my laundry in 1927!/, q/I am covered with pure vegetable oil and I am writing a best seller!/, q/I am deeply CONCERNED and I want something GOOD for BREAKFAST!/, q/I am having FUN... I wonder if it's NET FUN or GROSS FUN?/, q/I appoint you ambassador to Fantasy Island!!!/, q/I brought my BOWLING BALL - and some DRUGS!!/, q/I can't decide which WRONG TURN to make first!!/, q/ I wonder if BOB GUCCIONE has these problems!/, q/I can't think about that. It doesn't go with HEDGES in the shape of/, q/ LITTLE LULU or ROBOTS making BRICKS.../, q/I demand IMPUNITY!/, q/I didn't order any WOO-WOO... Maybe a YUBBA.. But no WOO-WOO!/, q/I don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE.. I think it's all just a BIG HOAX on the part of the plastic sign salesmen .. to sell more numbers!!/, q/I don't know WHY I said that.. I think it came from the FILLINGS/, q/ in my rear molars../, q/I feel better about world problems now!/, q/I feel like I am sharing a ``CORN-DOG'' with NIKITA KHRUSCHEV../, q/I feel like I'm in a Toilet Bowl with a thumbtack in my forehead!!/, q/I feel like a wet parking meter on Darvon!/, q/I feel partially hydrogenated!/, q/I fill MY industrial waste containers with old copies/, q/ of the ``WATCHTOWER'' and then add HAWAIIAN PUNCH to/, q/ the top.. They look NICE in the yard/, q/I guess it was all a DREAM.. or an episode of HAWAII FIVE-O.../, q/I guess you guys got BIG MUSCLES from doing too much STUDYING!/, q/I had a lease on an OEDIPUS COMPLEX back in '81.../, q/I had pancake makeup for brunch!/, q/I have a TINY BOWL in my HEAD/, q/I have a very good DENTAL PLAN. Thank you./, q/I have accepted Provolone into my life!/, q/I have many CHARTS and DIAGRAMS../, q/I have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket../, q/ .. I have read the INSTRUCTIONS.../, q/I have the power to HALT PRODUCTION on all TEENAGE SEX COMEDIES!!/, q/I haven't been married in over six years, but we had sexual counseling/, q/ every day from Oral Roberts!!/, q/I hope I bought the right relish... zzzzzzzzz.../, q/I hope something GOOD came in the mail today so I have/, q/ a REASON to live!!/, q/I hope the ``Eurythmics'' practice birth control.../, q/I hope you millionaires are having fun! I just invested half/, q/ your life savings in yeast!!/, q/I invented skydiving in 1989!/, q/I joined scientology at a garage sale!!/, q/I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!!/, q/I just got my PRINCE bumper sticker.. But now I can't remember WHO he is.../, q/I just had a NOSE JOB!!/, q/I just had my entire INTESTINAL TRACT coated with TEFLON!/, q/I just heard the SEVENTIES were over!! And I was just getting in touch with my LEISURE SUIT!!/, q/I just remembered something about a TOAD!/, q/I know how to do SPECIAL EFFECTS!!/, q/I know th'MAMBO!! I have a TWO-TONE CHEMISTRY SET!!/, q/I know things about TROY DONAHUE that can't even be PRINTED!!/, q/I left my WALLET in the BATHROOM!!/, q/I like the way ONLY their mouths move.. They look like DYING OYSTERS/, q/I like your SNOOPY POSTER!!/, q/I love ROCK 'N ROLL! I memorized the all WORDS to ``WIPE-OUT'' in 1965!!/, q/I need to discuss BUY-BACK PROVISIONS with at least/, q/ six studio SLEAZEBALLS!!/, q/I once decorated my apartment entirely in ten foot salad forks!!/, q/I own seven-eighths of all the artists in downtown Burbank!/, q/I put aside my copy of ``BOWLING WORLD'' and think/, q/ about GUN CONTROL legislation../, q/I represent a sardine!!/, q/I request a weekend in Havana with Phil Silvers!/, q/I selected E5... but I didn't hear ``Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs''!/, q/I smell a RANCID CORN DOG!/, q/I smell like a wet reducing clinic on Columbus Day!/, q/I think I am an overnight sensation right now!!/, q/I think my career is ruined!/, q/I used to be a FUNDAMENTALIST, but then I heard about the/, q/ HIGH RADIATION LEVELS and bought an ENCYCLOPEDIA!!/, q/I want EARS! I want two ROUND BLACK EARS to make me feel warm 'n secure!!/, q/I want a VEGETARIAN BURRITO to go.. with EXTRA MSG!!/, q/I want a WESSON OIL lease!!/, q/I want another RE-WRITE on my CEASAR SALAD!!/, q/I want the presidency so bad I can already taste the hors d'oeuvres./, q/I want to dress you up as TALLULAH BANKHEAD and cover you with VASELINE and WHEAT THINS../, q/I want to kill everyone here with a cute colorful Hydrogen Bomb!!/, q/I want to read my new poem about pork brains and outer space.../, q/I want to so HAPPY, the VEINS in my neck STAND OUT!!/, q/I want you to MEMORIZE the collected poems of EDNA ST VINCENT MILLAY.. BACKWARDS!!/, q/I want you to organize my PASTRY trays... my TEA-TINS are gleaming in formation like a ROW of DRUM MAJORETTES /, q/ please don't be FURIOUS with me /, q/I was born in a Hostess Cupcake factory before the sexual revolution!/, q/I was making donuts and now I'm on a bus!/, q/I wish I was a sex-starved manicurist found dead in the Bronx!!/, q/I wish I was on a Cincinnati street corner holding a clean dog!/, q/I wonder if I could ever get started in the credit world?/, q/I wonder if I should put myself in ESCROW!!/, q/I wonder if there's anything GOOD on tonight?/, q/I would like to urinate in an OVULAR, porcelain pool /, q/I'd like MY data-base JULIENNED and stir-fried!/, q/I'd like some JUNK FOOD... and then I want to be ALONE /, q/I'll eat ANYTHING that's BRIGHT BLUE!!/, q/I'll show you MY telex number if you show me YOURS.../, q/I'm ANN LANDERS!! I can SHOPLIFT!!/, q/I'm DESPONDENT... I hope there's something DEEP-FRIED under this miniature DOMED STADIUM.../, q/I'm EMOTIONAL now because I have MERCHANDISING CLOUT!!/, q/I'm GLAD I remembered to XEROX all my UNDERSHIRTS!!/, q/I'm QUIETLY reading the latest issue of ``BOWLING WORLD'' while my wife and two children stand QUIETLY BY../, q/I'm RELIGIOUS!! I love a man with a HAIRPIECE!! Equip me with MISSILES!!/, q/I'm ZIPPY the PINHEAD and I'm totally committed to the festive mode./, q/I'm a GENIUS! I want to dispute sentence structure with SUSAN SONTAG!!/, q/I'm a fuschia bowling ball somewhere in Brittany/, q/I'm a nuclear submarine under the polar ice cap and I need a Kleenex!/, q/I'm also against BODY-SURFING!!/, q/I'm also pre-POURED pre-MEDITATED and pre-RAPHAELITE!!/, q/I'm changing the CHANNEL.. But all I get is commercials for ``RONCO MIRACLE BAMBOO STEAMERS''!/, q/I'm continually AMAZED at th'breathtaking effects of WIND EROSION!!/, q/I'm definitely not in Omaha!/, q/I'm dressing up in an ill-fitting IVY-LEAGUE SUIT!! Too late.../, q/I'm encased in the lining of a pure pork sausage!!/, q/I'm gliding over a NUCLEAR WASTE DUMP near ATLANTA, Georgia!!/, q/I'm having BEAUTIFUL THOUGHTS about the INSIPID WIVES of smug and wealthy CORPORATE LAWYERS../, q/I'm having a BIG BANG THEORY!!/, q/I'm having a MID-WEEK CRISIS!/, q/I'm having a RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.. and I don't take any DRUGS/, q/I'm having a tax-deductible experience! I need an energy crunch!!/, q/I'm having an EMOTIONAL OUTBURST!! But, uh, WHY is there a WAFFLE in my PAJAMA POCKET??/, q/I'm having an emotional outburst!!/, q/I'm having fun HITCHHIKING to CINCINNATI or FAR ROCKAWAY!!/, q/I'm in direct contact with many advanced fun CONCEPTS./, q/I'm into SOFTWARE!/, q/I'm meditating on the FORMALDEHYDE and the ASBESTOS leaking into my PERSONAL SPACE!!/, q/I'm mentally OVERDRAWN! What's that SIGNPOST up ahead? Where's ROD STERLING when you really need him?/, q/I'm not an Iranian!! I voted for Dianne Feinstein!!/, q/I'm not available for comment../, q/I'm pretending I'm pulling in a TROUT! Am I doing it correctly??/, q/I'm pretending that we're all watching PHIL SILVERS instead of RICARDO MONTALBAN!/, q/I'm rated PG-34!!/, q/I'm receiving a coded message from EUBIE BLAKE!!/, q/I'm reporting for duty as a modern person. I want to do the Latin Hustle now!/, q/I'm shaving!! I'M SHAVING!!/, q/I'm sitting on my SPEED QUEEN.. To me, it's ENJOYABLE../, q/ I'm WARM.. I'm VIBRATORY../, q/I'm thinking about DIGITAL READ-OUT systems and computer-generated IMAGE FORMATIONS../, q/I'm totally DESPONDENT over the LIBYAN situation and the price of CHICKEN../, q/I'm using my X-RAY VISION to obtain a rare glimpse of the INNER WORKINGS of this POTATO!!/, q/I'm wearing PAMPERS!!/, q/I'm wet! I'm wild!/, q/I'm young.. I'm HEALTHY.. I can HIKE THRU CAPT GROGAN'S LUMBAR REGIONS!/, q/I've got a COUSIN who works in the GARMENT DISTRICT.../, q/I've got an IDEA!! Why don't I STARE at you so HARD, you forget your SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!!/, q/I've read SEVEN MILLION books!!/, q/INSIDE, I have the same personality disorder as LUCY RICARDO!!/, q/If I am elected no one will ever have to do their laundry again!/, q/If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET!/, q/If I felt any more SOPHISTICATED I would DIE of EMBARRASSMENT!/, q/If I had a Q-TIP, I could prevent th'collapse of NEGOTIATIONS!!/, q/If I pull this SWITCH I'll be RITA HAYWORTH!! Or a SCIENTOLOGIST!/, q/If Robert Di Niro assassinates Walter Slezak, will Jodie Foster marry Bonzo??/, q/If a person is FAMOUS in this country, they have to go on the ROAD for MONTHS at a time and have their name misspelled on the SIDE of a GREYHOUND SCENICRUISER!!/, q/If elected, Zippy pledges to each and every American, a 55-year-old houseboy.../, q/If our behavior is strict, we do not need fun!/, q/In Newark the laundromats are open 24 hours a day!/, q/Inside, I'm already SOBBING!/, q/Is a tattoo real, like a curb or a battleship? Or are we suffering in Safeway?/, q/Is it 1974? What's for SUPPER? Can I spend my COLLEGE FUND in one wild afternoon??/, q/Is it NOUVELLE CUISINE when 3 olives are struggling with a scallop in a plate of SAUCE MORNAY?/, q/Is it clean in other dimensions?/, q/Is something VIOLENT going to happen to a GARBAGE CAN?/, q/Is this TERMINAL fun?/, q/Is this an out-take from the ``BRADY BUNCH''?/, q/Is this going to involve RAW human ecstasy?/, q/Is this the line for the latest whimsical YUGOSLAVIAN drama which also makes you want to CRY and reconsider the VIETNAM WAR?/, q/Isn't this my STOP?!/, q/It don't mean a THING if you ain't got that SWING!!/, q/It was a JOKE!! Get it?? I was receiving messages from DAVID LETTERMAN!! YOW!!/, q/It's NO USE.. I've gone to ``CLUB MED''!!/, q/It's OBVIOUS.. The FURS never reached ISTANBUL.. You were an EXTRA in the REMAKE of ``TOPKAPI''.. Go home to your WIFE.. She's making FRENCH TOAST!/, q/It's OKAY - I'm an INTELLECTUAL, too./, q/It's a lot of fun being alive... I wonder if my bed is made?!?/, q/It's the RINSE CYCLE!! They've ALL IGNORED the RINSE CYCLE!!/, q/JAPAN is a WONDERFUL planet I wonder if we'll ever reach/, q/ their level of COMPARATIVE SHOPPING.../, q/Jesus is my POSTMASTER GENERAL../, q/Kids, don't gross me off.. ``Adventures with MENTAL HYGIENE''/, q/ can be carried too FAR!/, q/Kids, the seven basic food groups are GUM, PUFF PASTRY, PIZZA,/, q/ PESTICIDES, ANTIBIOTICS, NUTRA-SWEET and MILK DUDS!!/, q/LBJ, LBJ, how many JOKES did you tell today??!/, q/LOOK!! Sullen American teens wearing MADRAS shorts and/, q/ ``Flock of Seagulls'' HAIRCUTS!/, q/Laundry is the fifth dimension!! ...um...um... th' washing machine/, q/ is a black hole and the pink socks are bus drivers who just fell in!!/, q/Leona, I want to CONFESS things to you../, q/ I want to WRAP you in a SCARLET ROBE trimmed with POLYVINYL CHLORIDE../, q/ I want to EMPTY your ASHTRAYS.../, q/Let me do my TRIBUTE to FISHNET STOCKINGS.../, q/Let's all show human CONCERN for REVERAND MOON's legal difficulties!!/, q/Let's send the Russians defective lifestyle accessories!/, q/Life is a POPULARITY CONTEST! I'm REFRESHINGLY CANDID!!/, q/Loni Anderson's hair should be LEGALIZED!!/, q/Look DEEP into the OPENINGS!! Do you see any ELVES or EDSELS.../, q/ or a HIGHBALL??.../, q/Look into my eyes and try to forget that you have a Macy's charge card!/, q/Look! A ladder! Maybe it leads to heaven, or a sandwich!/, q/MERYL STREEP is my obstetrician!/, q/MMM-MM!! So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION!/, q/MY income is ALL disposable!/, q/Make me look like LINDA RONSTADT again!!/, q/Mary Tyler Moore's SEVENTH HUSBAND is wearing my DACRON TANK TOP/, q/ in a cheap hotel in HONOLULU!/, q/Maybe we could paint GOLDIE HAWN a rich PRUSSIAN BLUE/, q/Mmmmmm-MMMMMM!! A plate of STEAMING PIECES of a PIG mixed with the shreds of SEVERAL CHICKENS!!/, q/Oh BOY!! I'm about to swallow a TORN-OFF section of a COW'S LEFT LEG soaked in COTTONSEED OIL and SUGAR!!/, q/Let's see.. Next, I'll have the GROUND-UP flesh of CUTE, BABY LAMBS fried in the MELTED, FATTY TISSUES from a warm-blooded animal someone once PETTED!!/, q/Mr and Mrs PED, can I borrow 26.7% of the RAYON TEXTILE production of the INDONESIAN archipelago?/, q/My Aunt MAUREEN was a military advisor to IKE & TINA TURNER!!/, q/My BIOLOGICAL ALARM CLOCK just went off.. It has noiseless DOZE FUNCTION and full kitchen!!/, q/My CODE of ETHICS is vacationing at famed SCHROON LAKE in upstate New York!!/, q/My EARS are GONE!!/, q/My LESLIE GORE record is BROKEN../, q/My face is new, my license is expired, and I'm under a doctor's care!!!!/, q/My haircut is totally traditional!/, q/My life is a patio of fun!/, q/My mind is a potato field.../, q/My mind is making ashtrays in Dayton..../, q/My nose feels like a bad Ronald Reagan movie.../, q/My pants just went to high school in the Carlsbad Caverns!!!/, q/My polyvinyl cowboy wallet was made in Hong Kong by Montgomery Clift!/, q/My uncle Murray conquered Egypt in 53 B.C. And I can prove it too!!/, q/NANCY!! Why is everything RED?!/, q/NATHAN... your PARENTS were in a CARCRASH!!/, q/ They're VOIDED - They COLLAPSED/, q/ They had no CHAINSAWS... They had no MONEY MACHINES.../, q/ They did PILLS in SKIMPY GRASS SKIRTS.../, q/ Nathan, I EMULATED them... but they were OFF-KEY.../, q/NEWARK has been REZONED!! DES MOINES has been REZONED!!/, q/Not SENSUOUS... only ``FROLICSOME''... and in need of DENTAL WORK!!!/, q/Now I am depressed.../, q/Now I understand the meaning of ``THE MOD SQUAD''!/, q/Now I'm being INVOLUNTARILY shuffled closer to the CLAM DIP/, q/ with the BROKEN PLASTIC FORKS in it!!/, q/Now I'm concentrating on a specific tank battle toward the end of World War II!/, q/Now I'm having INSIPID THOUGHTS about the beatiful, round wives of HOLLYWOOD MOVIE MOGULS encased in PLEXIGLASS CARS and being approached by SMALL BOYS selling FRUIT../, q/Now my EMOTIONAL RESOURCES are heavily committed to 23% of the SMELTING and REFINING industry of the state of NEVADA!!/, q/Now that I have my ``APPLE,'' I comprehend COST ACCOUNTING!!/, q/Now, I think it would be GOOD to buy FIVE or SIX STUDEBAKERS and CRUISE for ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING!!/, q/Now, let's SEND OUT for QUICHE!!/, q/OKAY!! Turn on the sound ONLY for TRYNEL CARPETING,/, q/ FULLY-EQUIPPED R.V.'S and FLOATATION SYSTEMS!!/, q/OMNIVERSAL AWARENESS?? Oh, YEH!! First you need 4 GALLONS of JELL-O/, q/ and a BIG WRENCH!!... I think you drop th'WRENCH in the JELL-O as if/, q/ it was a FLAVOR, or an INGREDIENT... ...or...I...um... WHERE'S the/, q/ WASHING MACHINES?/, q/ONE: I will donate my entire ``BABY HUEY'' comic book collection/, q/ to the downtown PLASMA CENTER../, q/ TWO: I won't START a BAND called ``KHADAFY & THE HIT SQUAD''../, q/ THREE: I won't ever TUMBLE DRY my FOX TERRIER again!!/, q/OVER the underpass! UNDER the overpass! Around the FUTURE ,and BEYOND REPAIR!!/, q/Of course, you UNDERSTAND about the PLAIDS in the SPIN CYCLE /, q/Oh my GOD the SUN just fell into YANKEE STADIUM!!/, q/Oh, I get it!! ``The BEACH goes on,'' huh, SONNY??/, q/Okay.. I'm going home to write the ``I HATE RUBIK's CUBE HANDBOOK FOR DEAD CAT LOVERS''../, q/On SECOND thought, maybe I'll heat up some BAKED BEANS and watch REGIS PHILBIN.. It's GREAT to be ALIVE!!/, q/On the other hand, life can be an endless parade of TRANSSEXUAL QUILTING BEES aboard a cruise ship to DISNEYWORLD/, q/ if only we let it!!/, q/On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never/, q/ without a POINT./, q/Once, there was NO fun... This was before MENU planning,/, q/ FASHION statements or NAUTILUS equipment.../, q/ Then, in 1985.. FUN was completely encoded in this tiny MICROCHIP../, q/ It contain 14,768 vaguely amusing SIT-COM pilots!!/, q/ We had to wait FOUR BILLION years but we finally got JERRY LEWIS,/, q/ MTV and a large selection of creme-filled snack cakes!/, q/Our father who art in heaven.. I sincerely pray that SOMEBODY/, q/ at this table will PAY for my SHREDDED WHAT and ENGLISH MUFFIN../, q/ and also leave a GENEROUS TIP.../, q/PARDON me, am I speaking ENGLISH?/, q/PEGGY FLEMMING is stealing BASKET BALLS to feed the babies in VERMONT./, q/PIZZA!!/, q/PUNK ROCK!! DISCO DUCK!! BIRTH CONTROL!!/, q/Pardon me, but do you know what it means to be TRULY ONE/, q/ with your BOOTH!/, q/Place me on a BUFFER counter while you BELITTLE several BELLHOPS/, q/ in the Trianon Room!! Let me one of your SUBSIDIARIES!/, q/Please come home with me... I have Tylenol!!/, q/Psychoanalysis?? I thought this was a nude rap session!!!/, q/Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!!/, q/RELATIVES!!/, q/RHAPSODY in Glue!/, q/Remember, in 2039, MOUSSE & PASTA will be available/, q/ ONLY by prescription!!/, q/SANTA CLAUS comes down a FIRE ESCAPE wearing bright/, q/ blue LEG WARMERS.. He scrubs the POPE with a mild/, q/ soap or detergent for 15 minutes, starring JANE FONDA!!/, q/SHHHH!! I hear SIX TATTOOED TRUCK-DRIVERS tossing ENGINE BLOCKS/, q/ into empty OIL DRUMS../, q/Send your questions to ``ASK ZIPPY'', Box 40474,/, q/ San Francisco, CA 94140, USA/, q/Should I do my BOBBIE VINTON medley?/, q/Should I start with the time I SWITCHED personalities with a BEATNIK/, q/ hair stylist or my failure to refer five TEENAGERS to a good OCULIST?/, q/Sign my PETITION./, q/So this is what it feels like to be potato salad/, q/Sometime in 1993 NANCY SINATRA will lead a BLOODLESS COUP on GUAM!!/, q/Somewhere in DOWNTOWN BURBANK a prostitute is OVERCOOKING a LAMB CHOP!!/, q/Somewhere in Tenafly, New Jersey, a chiropractor is viewing ``Leave it to Beaver''!/, q/Somewhere in suburban Honolulu, an unemployed bellhop is whipping up a batch of illegal psilocybin chop suey!!/, q/Spreading peanut butter reminds me of opera!! I wonder why?/, q/TAILFINS!! ...click.../, q/You POLITICIANS! Don't you realize that the END of the ``Wash Cycle'' is a TREASURED MOMENT for most people?!/, q/TONY RANDALL! Is YOUR life a PATIO of FUN??/, q/Oh, I LOST my ``HELLO KITTY'' DOLL and I get BAD reception on channel TWENTY-SIX!!/, q/Th'HOSTESS FACTORY is closin' down and I just heard ZASU PITTS has been DEAD for YEARS.. (sniff)/, q/ My PLATFORM SHOE collection was CHEWED up by th'dog, ALEXANDER HAIG won't let me take a SHOWER 'til Easter.. (snurf)/, q/ So I went to the kitchen, but WALNUT PANELING whup me upside mah HAID!! (on no, no, no.. Heh, heh)/, q/Tex SEX! The HOME of WHEELS! The dripping of COFFEE!!/. q/Take me to Minnesota but don't EMBARRASS me!!/, q/Th' MIND is the Pizza Palace of th' SOUL/, q/Thank god!!.. It's HENNY YOUNGMAN!!/, q/The FALAFEL SANDWICH lands on my HEAD and I become a VEGETARIAN.../, q/The Korean War must have been fun./, q/The Osmonds! You are all Osmonds!! Throwing up on a freeway at dawn!!!/, q/The PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY is CRYING for an END to BURT REYNOLDS movies!!/, q/The PINK SOCKS were ORIGINALLY from 1952!! But they went to MARS around 1953!!/, q/The SAME WAVE keeps coming in and COLLAPSING like a rayon MUU-MUU../, q/The appreciation of the average visual graphisticator alone is worth the whole suaveness and decadence which abounds!!/, q/The entire CHINESE WOMEN'S VOLLEYBALL TEAM all share ONE personality and have since BIRTH!!/, q/The fact that 47 PEOPLE are yelling and sweat is cascading down my SPINAL COLUMN is fairly enjoyable!!/, q/There's a little picture of ED MCMAHON doing BAD THINGS to JOAN RIVERS in a $200,000 MALIBU BEACH HOUSE!!/, q/There's enough money here to buy 5000 cans of Noodle-Roni!/, q/These PRESERVES should be FORCE-FED to PENTAGON OFFICIALS!!/, q/They collapsed.... like nuns in the street... they had no teen appeal!/, q/This ASEXUAL PIG really BOILS my BLOOD... He's so..so.....URGENT!!/, q/This MUST be a good party My RIB CAGE is being painfully pressed up against someone's MARTINI!!/, q/This PIZZA symbolizes my COMPLETE EMOTIONAL RECOVERY!!/, q/This PORCUPINE knows his ZIPCODE.. And he has ``VISA''!!/, q/This TOPS OFF my partygoing experience! Someone I DON'T LIKE/, q/ is talking to me about a HEART-WARMING European film../, q/This is a NO-FRILLS flight hold th' CANADIAN BACON!!/, q/Those aren't WINOSthat's my JUGGLER, my AERIALIST,/, q/ my SWORD SWALLOWER, and my LATEX NOVELTY SUPPLIER!!/, q/Thousands of days of civilians ... have produced a.../, q/ feeling for the aesthetic modules /, q/Today, THREE WINOS from DETROIT sold me a framed photo of/, q/ TAB HUNTER before his MAKEOVER!/, q/Toes, knees, NIPPLES. Toes, knees, nipples, KNUCKLES.../, q/ Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!!/, q/ I don't like FRANK SINATRA or his CHILDREN./, q/UH-OH!! I put on ``GREAT HEAD-ON TRAIN COLLISIONS of the 50's''/, q/ by mistake!!!/, q/UH-OH!! I think KEN is OVER-DUE on his R.V. PAYMENTS and HE'S having a NERVOUS BREAKDOWN too!! Ha ha./, q/UH-OH!! We're out of AUTOMOBILE PARTS and RUBBER GOODS!/, q/Uh-oh WHY am I suddenly thinking of a VENERABLE religious leader frolicking on a FORT LAUDERDALE weekend?/, q/Uh-oh!! I forgot to submit to COMPULSORY URINALYSIS!/, q/Uh-oh!! I'm having TOO MUCH FUN!!/, q/Used staples are good with SOY SAUCE!/, q/Vote for ME I'm well-tapered, half-cocked, ill-conceived and TAX-DEFERRED!/, q/WHO sees a BEACH BUNNY sobbing on a SHAG RUG?!/, q/WHOA!! Ken and Barbie are having TOO MUCH FUN!! It must be the NEGATIVE IONS!!/, q/Wait.. is this a FUN THING or the END of LIFE in Petticoat Junction??/, q/Was my SOY LOAF left out in th'RAIN? It tastes REAL GOOD!!/, q/We are now enjoying total mutual interaction in an imaginary hot tub.../, q/We have DIFFERENT amounts of HAIR /, q/We just joined the civil hair patrol!/, q/We place two copies of PEOPLE magazine in a DARK, HUMID mobile home. 45 minutes later CYNDI LAUPER emerges wearing a BIRD CAGE on her head!/, q/Well, I'm INVISIBLE AGAIN.. I might as well pay a visit to the LADIES ROOM.../, q/Well, I'm a classic ANAL RETENTIVE!! And I'm looking for a way to VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!!/, q/Well, O.K. I'll compromise with my principles because of EXISTENTIAL DESPAIR!/, q/Well, here I am in AMERICA.. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE it. I HATE it. I LIKE.. EMOTIONS are SWEEPING over me!!/, q/Were these parsnips CORRECTLY MARINATED in TACO SAUCE?/, q/What GOOD is a CARDBOARD suitcase ANYWAY?/, q/What I need is a MATURE RELATIONSHIP with a FLOPPY DISK.../, q/What I want to find out is do parrots know much about Astro-Turf?/, q/What PROGRAM are they watching?/, q/What UNIVERSE is this, please??/, q/What a COINCIDENCE! I'm an authorized ``SNOOTS OF THE STARS'' dealer!!/, q/What's the MATTER Sid?.. Is your BEVERAGE unsatisfactory?/, q/When I met th'POPE back in '58, I scrubbed him with a MILD SOAP or DETERGENT for 15 minutes. He seemed to enjoy it../, q/When this load is DONE I think I'll wash it AGAIN../, q/When you get your PH.D. will you get able to work at BURGER KING?/, q/When you said ``HEAVILY FORESTED'' it reminded me of an overdue CLEANING BILL.. Don't you SEE? O'Grogan SWALLOWED a VALUABLE COIN COLLECTION and HAD to murder the ONLY MAN who KNEW!!/, q/Where do your SOCKS go when you lose them in th' WASHER?/, q/Where does it go when you flush?/, q/Where's SANDY DUNCAN?/, q/Where's th' DAFFY DUCK EXHIBIT??/, q/Where's the Coke machine? Tell me a joke!!/, q/While my BRAINPAN is being refused service in BURGER KING, Jesuit priests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!!/, q/While you're chewing, think of STEVEN SPIELBERG'S bank account.. This will have the same effect as two ``STARCH BLOCKERS''!/, q/Why are these athletic shoe salesmen following me??/, q/Why don't you ever enter any CONTESTS, Marvin?? Don't you know your own ZIPCODE?/, q/Why is everything made of Lycra Spandex?/, q/Why is it that when you DIE, you can't take your HOME ENTERTAINMENT CENTER with you??/, q/Will it improve my CASH FLOW?/, q/Will the third world war keep ``Bosom Buddies'' off the air?/, q/Will this never-ending series of PLEASURABLE EVENTS never cease?/, q/With YOU, I can be MYSELF.. We don't NEED Dan Rather../, q/World War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced/, q/ dress code!/, q/Wow! Look!! A stray meatball!! Let's interview it!/, q/Xerox your lunch and file it under ``sex offenders!''/, q/YOU PICKED KARL MALDEN'S NOSE!!/, q/YOU!! Give me the CUTEST, PINKEST, most charming little/, q/ VICTORIAN DOLLHOUSE you can find!! An make it SNAPPY!!/, q/YOW!! Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL!/, q/YOW!! I'm in a very clever and adorable INSANE ASYLUM!!/, q/YOW!! Now I understand advanced MICROBIOLOGY/, q/ and th' new TAX REFORM laws!!/, q/YOW!! The land of the rising SONY!!/, q/YOW!! Up ahead! It's a DONUT HUT!!/, q/YOW!! What should the entire human race DO?? Consume a fifth of CHIVAS REGAL, ski NUDE down MT. EVEREST, and have a wild SEX WEEKEND!/, q/YOW!!! I am having fun!!!/, q/Yes, but will I see the EASTER BUNNY in skintight leather at an IRON MAIDEN concert?/, q/You can't hurt me!! I have an ASSUMABLE MORTGAGE!!/, q/You mean now I can SHOOT YOU in the back and further BLUR/, q/ th' distinction between FANTASY and REALITY?/, q/You mean you don't want to watch WRESTLING from ATLANTA?/, q/You should all JUMP UP AND DOWN for TWO HOURS while I decide/, q/ on a NEW CAREER!!/, q/You were s'posed to laugh!/, q/Your CHEEKS sit like twin NECTARINES above a MOUTH that knows no BOUNDS /, q/Youth of today! Join me in a mass rally for traditional mental attitudes!/, q/Yow!/, q/Yow! Am I having fun yet?/, q/Yow! Am I in Milwaukee?/, q/Yow! And then we could sit on the hoods of cars at stop lights!/, q/Yow! Are we laid back yet?/, q/Yow! Are we wet yet?/, q/Yow! Are you the self-frying president?/, q/Yow! Did something bad happen or am I in a drive-in movie??/, q/Yow! I just went below the poverty line!/, q/Yow! I threw up on my window!/, q/Yow! I want my nose in lights!/, q/Yow! I want to mail a bronzed artichoke to Nicaragua!/, q/Yow! I'm having a quadrophonic sensation of two winos alone in a steel mill!/, q/Yow! I'm imagining a surfer van filled with soy sauce!/, q/Yow! Is my fallout shelter termite proof?/, q/Yow! Is this sexual intercourse yet?? Is it, huh, is it??/, q/Yow! It's a hole all the way to downtown Burbank!/, q/Yow! It's some people inside the wall! This is better than mopping!/, q/Yow! Maybe I should have asked for my Neutron Bomb in PAISLEY/, q/Yow! Now I get to think about all the BAD THINGS I did to a BOWLING BALL/, q/ when I was in JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL!/, q/Yow! Now we can become alcoholics!/, q/Yow! Those people look exactly like Donnie and Marie Osmond!!/, q/Yow! We're going to a new disco!/, q/"You work eighteen hours and what do you get? Parents sell ya to Paris Hilton." - Leopold Stotch/, q/"Mrs. Liddy has an extensive gun collection." - G. Gordon Liddy/, q/"But a cow is not entirely full of milk; Some of it is hamburgers!" - Jim the Security Guard/, q/"Of course they want free pie and chips. It's pie... with chips... for free." - The Geico Gecko/, q/"Some horrible game of twister where it's all boys and they kill you when you lose" - Deputy Travis Junior/, q/"Yes, it's true you are a good woman... then again, you may be the anti-Christ." - Doc Holliday/, q/"A woman's dress should be like a barbed wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view." - Sophia Loren/, q/"You never open your mouth until you know what the shot is." - Ricky Roma/, q/"But the Senator, while insisting he was not intoxicated, could not explain his nudity" - WKRP/, q/"I am not Herbert" - Mr. Spock/, q/"If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read PRESIDENT CAN'T SWIM." - Lyndon Johnson/, q/"The personal insult is the last recourse of an exhausted mind" - Pat Buchanan/, q/"Democracy is two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner." - Thomas Jefferson/, q/I'm not insane, my mother had me tested! - Sheldon Cooper/, ); $yow = int(rand() * $#quotes); print $quotes[$yow],"\n"; #print "\t\t- Zippy\n"; exit;