release-22.2: kvserver: remove changed replicas in purgatory from replica set

[blathers-crl]

Backport 1/1 commits from #114365 on behalf of @kvoli.

/cc @cockroachdb/release

---

It was possible for a replica to be stuck processing in a queue's
replica set. This could occur when a replica had recently been removed
from purgatory for processing but was destroyed, or replica ID changed
before being processed.

When this occurred, the replica could never be processed by the queue
again, potentially leading to decommission stalls, constraint violations
or under(over)replication.

Remove the replica from the queue set upon encountering a replica which
was destroyed, or replica ID changed when processing purgatory. This
prevents the replica from becoming stuck in a processing state in the
queue set.

Fixes: #112761
Fixes: #110761

Release note (bug fix): The store queues will no longer leave purgatory
replicas which have changed replica IDs, or have been destroyed stuck
unable to process via the respective queue again if re-added.

---

Release justification: Fixes serious bug.

[blathers-crl]

Thanks for opening a backport.

Please check the backport criteria before merging:

• Backports should only be created for serious
  issues or test-only changes.
• Backports should not break backwards-compatibility.
• Backports should change as little code as possible.
• Backports should not change on-disk formats or node communication protocols.
• Backports should not add new functionality (except as defined
  here).
• Backports must not add, edit, or otherwise modify cluster versions; or add version gates.
• All backports must be reviewed by the owning areas TL and one additional
  TL. For more information as to how that review should be conducted, please consult the backport
  policy.

If your backport adds new functionality, please ensure that the following additional criteria are satisfied:

• There is a high priority need for the functionality that cannot wait until the next release and is difficult to address in another way.
• The new functionality is additive-only and only runs for clusters which have specifically “opted in” to it (e.g. by a cluster setting).
• New code is protected by a conditional check that is trivial to verify and ensures that it only runs for opt-in clusters. State changes must be further protected such that nodes running old binaries will not be negatively impacted by the new state (with a mixed version test added).
• The PM and TL on the team that owns the changed code have signed off that the change obeys the above rules.
• Your backport must be accompanied by a post to the appropriate Slack
  channel (#db-backports-point-releases or #db-backports-XX-X-release) for awareness and discussion.

Also, please add a brief release justification to the body of your PR to justify this
backport.

[cockroach-teamcity]

This change is 

[andrewbaptist]

Changes look good, but I'm not sure that we should backport this far back. I'll let @nvanbenschoten comment.

[kvoli]

Changes look good, but I'm not sure that we should backport this far back. I'll let @nvanbenschoten comment.

The bug has been around since at least 20.x. It is serious and hard enough to diagnose that it seems worthwhile going back as far as supported.

[kvoli]

TYFTRs!