Q: How did the Coder CEO build his company headquarters? A: By calling the Constructor();
And the bartender says, "Success, but you're not ready!"
So a JavaScript function walks into a bar.
Q: What is Hardware? A: The part of the computer which you can kick.
I took a programming class in high school I got a C++
Q: Who is a programmer? A: A programmer is a machine who turns coffee into code.
First rule of programming : If it works DON'T touch it.
Married life of a developer
#wife {
right: 100%;
margin: 0;
}
I would tell you a joke about programming...
But it only works on my machine
What is the problem with git jokes?
Everyone has their own version!
Question: Why NodeJs developer need Helmet?
Answer: To Secure Headers.
I have a joke about stackoverflow but you will say it's duplicated
There are two types of People{
and those who { Question: How do you know if someone uses Linux?
Answer: Don't worry, they'll tell you.
Best pickup line for a JS dev ?
- Be the promise to my callback â€ïž.
-
A QA engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 99999999999 beers. Orders a Iizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a ueicbksjdhd.
-
First real customer walks in and asks where the bathroom is. The bar bursts into flames, killing everyone.
New programmer : It realy worked at first time.đ
Experienced programmer : It realy worked at first time??đ€
đ Documentation is like sex.
When it's good, it's very good. When it's bad, it's better than nothing. đ€·
99 year old man dying
man: Oh! God, Save Me!!
God: Ok, JPG or JPEG?
"Only my friends get to touch my private parts." -C++
Wife: Honey! Can't open the jar.
*Me: Download and install Java.
Sometimes when I'm writing Javascript I want to throw up my hands and say "this is bullshit!" but I can never remember what "this" refers to
Why do programmers have bad digestion?
They only have semi-colons
1st rule of programming:
If it works, do not touch it!
Me: Why isn't this working? đ€ Normal Language: You screwed up over here. đ§ Me: Oh Thanks! đ
Me: Why isn't this working? đ€ JavaScript: SHHHHHH! đ€«
Data scientists should be charged with animal trafficking and animal abuse because they import pandas and feed them to python.
Technical Debt
A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad. The wife asks impatiently "Is it a boy or a girl?" The logician replies "Yes."
The programmer to his son: "Here, I brought you a new basketball." "Thank you, daddy, but where is the user's guide?"đ
Once all programming languages went to a party. Guess who paid the bill? Of course, PHP. Beacause PHP has many $.
A fool can write a code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that they also don't understand after few days.
I've been using VIM since about 5 years because I never find out how to quit.
If an EXE file says: "This program requires Windows XP or better..." Does that mean that it'll run linux..? :)
To replace programmers with robots, clients will have to accurately describe what they want.
We are safe! đ
A guy ordered a pizza with cheese, olives, onion and red pepper. On getting it, the guy shouted - It is not baked.
Delivery guy - You only get what you ask for.
If somebody refers me for a job đšâđ» will it be considered 'pass by reference' or 'pass by value'? đ€đ
Once C++ walks into a bar and sees C.
C is drunk, falling on the floor, spitting and swearing.
How classless! -says C++
Are you a RESTful API? because you GET my attention, PUT some love, POST the cutest smile, and DELETE my bad day
I used to know a joke about Java, but I run out of memory.
Why do Front-End Developers eat lunch alone?
Because, they don't know how to join tables.
I am declaring a war. var war;
Knock knock
Unsynchronized block
Who's there?
âKnock, knock.â
âWhoâs there?â
very... long... pause...
âJava.â
There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who donât.
walks UDP package into bar A.
I would tell you a joke about UDP, but I don't know if you will get it.
Either way, I don't care.
A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"
A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep. A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesnât.
Knock knock.
Whos there?
Broken state machine.
Broken state machine who?
Knock knock.
#pisa-tower {
font-style: italic;
}
Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, âAre you ill?â The second byte replies, âNo, just feeling a bit off.â
1/3 of US bandwidth is used by Netflix.
the rest is used by rm -rf node_modules && npm install
Debugging: Being the detective in a crime movie where you are also the murderer.
Behind every good program is a frustrated programmer.
Being a Programmer and watching someone HACK a computer on a TV show is like a nurse and watching someone in the movie take blood with a carrot.
Programmer 1: We have a problem! Programmer 2: Letâs use RegEx! Programmer 1: Now we have two problems.
My girlfriend dumped me after I named a class after her. She felt I treated her like an object.
Trying to fix the problem I created when I tried to fix the problems I created when I tried to fix the problems I created when there was a problem
A programmerâs wife asks: âWould you go to the shop and pick up a loaf of bread? And if they have eggs, get a dozen.â
The programmer returns home with 12 loaves of bread.
âThey had eggs.â
Conversation between layman and developer
- layman: Hey! What's your address
- developer: 173.168.15.10
- layman: No man. Your local address
- developer: 127.0.0.1
- layman: I mean your physical address
- developer: 29.01.38.62.31.58
đŠ : I like you, do you want to be my GF?
đ§ : ... (30 seconds)
đŠ : Why are you quiet?
đ§ : ... (30 seconds). "504 Gateway Timeout"
"I know a guy who knows a guy... who knows another guy"
Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, âSo whatâll it be?â
The first string says, âI think Iâll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcuâ
âPlease excuse my friend,â the second string says, âHe isnât null-terminated.â
What do the new MacBook and a black hole have in common?
There's no Escape!
One man's constant is another man's variable
Android: where ProgressBars go around in circles and Spinners donât spin
I showed my 12 year son aa floppy disk.... He said "ohh nice!! You have 3-D printed the save icon."
All programmers are playwrights, and all computers are lousy actors
"Don't call me, I'll callback you. I promise!"
"How did your dog eat your coding assignment?" It took him a couple bytes
I would love to change the world, but they wonât give me the source code.
Python and PHP.
One of these two is one of the most popular choices of backend programming. The other one is PHP.
Dad: So what do you want to do when you grow up?
Kid: Engineering
Dad: Oh great, so you want to become an engineer?
Kid: No, I want 4 more years to decide what I want to do
A successful programmer is a PRO in GRAMMAR!
A journalist asked a programmer:-what makes code bad?
Programmer:- No comment
Chuck Norris doesnât bug hunt, he goes bug killing.
why do Elm developers type so loudly?
cause it's a strongly typed language.
Chuck Norris donât need passwords to access your system, he simply types * and system gives him access.
Ford is creating a line of electric cars that use Tesla parts and software. They're calling it Edison.
I see this person every day who is huge by the way and yet everybody ignores that person. Do you wanna know who?
node underscore modules
Wrong middle name anyways!
{ "devjoke":"people with name Jason might have felt invalid once JSON came into picture" }
I have a dev joke, but I couldn't debug it đ
Forgetting the semicolon after every C command and getting an error makes me go ;_;
=======
any one know any joke about sodium?? NA
this.engaged = true
Because they do not Node how to Express themselves.
You console it.
It didn't get the context.
Because she didn't get arrays
Inheritance.
Because they have constant arguments.
Because OCT 31 = DEC 25
Foo Bar
A URLogist
He keeps dropping the database
It had too many
Because they use a strongly typed language.
He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
Because it has Hooks đ.
For a while
FORK YOU!
Guardians of the Galaxy
Because it's above C-level
They are both useless when you open windows
Answer: A person who fixed a problem that you don't know you have, in a way you don't understand.
Answer: Because they can't C# !
Answer: They stop calling each other.
Answer: 1
Answer: None â Itâs a hardware problem
Answer: Because Oct 31 = Dec 25
No, they just haven't had a gig yet.
Http
They used up all their cache.
Because it was now off the hook.
Because its parent kept giving it props!
Trouble-shooting!
Question- Me: My screens turns Blue, Mom : Fool,u deleted System32!
Question- What's the object oriented way to become wealthy? Answer - Inheritance.
There are three kinds of lies: Lies, damned lies, and benchmarks.
- How do you tell HTML from HTML5?
- Try it out in Internet Exlorer.
- Did it work?
- No?
- It's HTML5.
I went on a date. The girl said " Pass the salt ". I replied " Pass by value or by reference!"
A journalist asked a programmer:-what makes code bad? Programmer:- No comment
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed".
The engineer said "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong".
The programmer said "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
I now understand why english grammar was taught in school,because it takes me a while to think the difference between "sign up" and "sign in" before i click the wrong one.
But its just so obtuse
Guy 1: Its so cold, the heater has stopped working !! Android Dev: (Turns on Android Studio) There you go !
Son: Dad, why do the sun rise in east and set in west ? Programmer dad: hey, it works!! Don't touch it ;
A programmer walks to the butcher shop and buys a kilo of meat. An hour later he comes back upset that the butcher shortchanged him by 24 grams.
The best thing about a Boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.
Answer: A fork.
Q. In a world where computer programs were TV shows, why would a JS program never be a reality TV show?
Ans. - because it's scripted.
#mother { right: 100%; margin: 0; }
She: You told me you were fullstack! Me: Full Stackoverflow
Answer: An algo-rhythm
Friend: you both look like a cute couple!! where did you find her? tinder or insta? Me: GITHUB
A user interface is like a joke. If you have to explain it,It's not that good đ đ đ
Android: where ProgressBars go around in circles and Spinners donât spin
What did the Python say when he came out of his shell? Print("Hello World!")
I showed my 12 year son aa floppy disk.... He said "ohh nice!! You have 3-D printed the save icon."
All programmers are playwrights, and all computers are lousy actors
Algorithm :
Words used by a programmer when they don't want to explain what they did.
I had a problem earlier, then I started using Java. Now I've a ProblemFactory.
Me during my AI Presentation: I have some good markov jokes, but really if you've heard one you've heard them all.
Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, âCan I get you anything?â âYeah,â reply the bytes. âMake us a double.â
Programmer: Son, can you count to 10? 3 yr old son: 1...2... Programmer: Stop. You are not my son,
The Profession is Programming. But, all they do is create New Objects.
To understand what recursion is, you must first understand recursion.
Non-Programmer - You can't keep doing the same thing and expect different resultsđ§
Programmer- Let me introduce you to "DEBUGGING"đ»â
(.images/webjava.jpg)
Answer: 
Son: Dad, why do the sun rise in east and set in west ? Programmer dad: hey, it works!! Don't touch it ;
A programmer walks to the butcher shop and buys a kilo of meat. An hour later he comes back upset that the butcher shortchanged him by 24 grams.
The best thing about a Boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.
Answer: A fork.
Q. In a world where computer programs were TV shows, why would a JS program never be a reality TV show?
Ans. - because it's scripted.
#mother { right: 100%; margin: 0; }
She: You told me you were fullstack! Me: Full Stackoverflow
Answer: An algo-rhythm
Java: I promise there hasnât been a day that I stopped wanting you and havenât gotten out of my head at all since I first met you!!
Python: I love you ;)
Ubuntu users are apt to get this joke
Answer: Nerdic
An Algorithm a day, Keeps a mass recruiter away.
To replace programmers with robots, clients will have to accurately describe what they want. We are safe.
I love pressing the F5 key. It's refreshing.
Chuck Norrisâs keyboard doesnât have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Answer: It has too many bugs.
Answer: spider
Answer: Because every deploy has "ploy" in it.
Answer: You've got no class.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were Prime mates.
Due to Coronovirus (COVID19) all TCP applications are being converted to UDP to avoid Handshakes..!!
Q: Why do kayakaers make bad programmers? A: Because they are afraid of waterfall.
Me: Alexa, I would like to hear a TCP joke.
Alexa: Hi, would you like to hear a TCP joke?
Me: Yes, I would like to hear a TCP joke.
Alexa: I'm about to tell you a TCP joke. It will last 10 seconds. It has a beginning and a solid punchline in the end.
Me: Ok. Hit it. I'm excited to hear a TCP joke.
Alexa: Sorry, your connection has timed out.
...
Alexa: Hi, would you like to hear a TCP joke? kkkk
Girl: What is your idea of perfect date? Boy: DD/MM/YYYY because other formats can be confusing
In order to understand recursion, one must first understand recursion.
One thing I know is that a computer science major didn't name the original pokemon. Otherwise, charmander would evolve into stringmander.
Python Pro : The easiest language to learn, no braces, no mains, no boilerplate codes.
Python Noob : Gets indentation errors on adding extra spacing!
Code is like humor. When you have to explain it, itâs bad.
Answer: Hello World - by Lady Antebellum
What do cupboards and Java have in common?
Jars.
Son : Dad, I feel like i am a programmer now. Father : Talk is cheap, Show me the code.
