coaching.md

Coaching

Coaching is about providing a soundboard, through questioning (feedback). It's oriented towards potential and results. For more details, see:

• Coaching techniques
• Coaching teams

See also goals, purpose and retrospectives.

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Overview

Help people (teams) move from who they are now, to who they’ll be in the future, in a way that maximizes well-being.

Coaching revolves around the preferences of the coachee. It consists of a series of conversations. Hence it implies trust. In these conversations:

• The coach helps the coachee to see new perspectives and potential.
• The coachee decides how to incorporate this.

Coaching does not imply a problem. It is not a medical intervention. It can be used to improve or maintain performance.

Two main modes are: critical and supporting. These map to thinking in problems or opportunities. Note that the difference is more than just reframing problems as opportunities. Rather, is about appreciating positive aspects, and their potential.

	Critical Coach	Supporting
Lens	Problem-oriented.	Opportunity-oriented. Improve what goes well.
Core	Challenge. Change (fix) problems.	Empathy. Appreciation of what goes wel, inspire growth.
Attitude	Avoid failure, do better	Learn from experience
Obstacles	Fight obstacles	Deconstruct obstacles
Energy	Pushing, sprinting	Growing, step by step

In contrast to therapy, coaching assumes that the subjects are healthy. It does try to heal or diagnose clients. It acknowledges problems, but does not dive in to deconstruct them. It guides clients to improve on their own pace, without needing to solve a crisis.

Avoiding problems

It important that the supporting coach does not avoid problems or discomfort. There is a place to acknowledge reality and any resulting feelings. From there one can more forward.

A coach can help to reframe problems. Any problem implies a challenge. Coping mechanisms from coachees may point to a hidden strength (to endure). For example, fear may signal care for someone else.

• A side effect of this is that the coachee starts from a solid base: a understanding of their stengths.

Rejecting problems

Factors thay may prevent people from addressing problems.

• 👈 Patterns of blame or victimhood. Over-emphasise problems. Lingering too long in negative emotions. Inability to take initiative.
• 🥶 Too much presssure to change. Being in a frozen state.

Intent & Purpose

Help the coachee achieve the what they want.

Coaching is not limited to planning and goal-setting. It may range from:

• Empathy, recognition
• Provide a soundboard
• Provide a new perspective
• Challenge perceived obstacles
• Show blind spots
• Explore potential
• Choose a next step
• Plan a next step

Method

Coaching is result-oriented. This means:

• Start with a desired result, based on the preference of the coachee. Note that desires may change over time.

• Optimism rather than pessimism.

  • Explore core desires rather than fears.
  • Focus on potential. Explore options rather than obstacles.
  • Emphasize what is possible, instead of what is not.
  • Emphasize what worked well over failures.
  • Start half a step ahead, rather than miles away from what's realistic.

• Practical steps rather than theory and analysis.

  • Don't over-analyze problems

• End conversations with an action point.

• Let the coachee come up with solutions. Then explore these.

  • Don't provide solutions.

Requirements

Necessary conditions.

• Trust. Which requires:
  • Confidentiality.
  • Compassion. A genuine optimistic view of the coachee.
  • Clarity.
  • Transparency about context, motivation, interests, other parties.
  • Request approval when approaching boundaries. E.g. for personal questions, giving suggestions.
• Agreement on the coach-coachee relation.
• Sessions
  • Intake session to align expectations and set an initial objective. Check the expectations with respect to coaching itself.
  • Repeated conversational sessions that end with action points.

Alignment Coaching

Alignment may be needed if there is tension. A certain layer of trust is needs to be established before you can discuss sensitive topics.

Conflict Tree

Tension may originate from a conflict between desires or positions. Question this conflict by either

• Discovering underlying interests, which may originate from shared goals.
• Discover desired outcomes, which may lead to shared values.

Context

Power dynamics

Coaching requires confidentiality. Avoid conflicting interests.

Anti-pattern

Coach as a middlemen, between the employee and manager.

Supporting roles

Differences between coaching, mentoring and consulting.

Focus

Differences in focus:

• Coaching: intersection of the subject and a context. E.g. an organization.

• Mentoring: intersection of the subject and a domain. E.g. a sport or craft.

Behaviour

Differences in problem solving:

• Coaching: Help the subject to solve a problem.
  • Or, challenge the obstacle itself.
• Mentor: Show alternative approaches to a problem.
• Consultancy: Provide a solution for a problem. In addition to aligning and emphasizing the need for solutions.

	Coach	Mentor	Consultant
Focus	Personal (empathy)	Domain	Diagnose problem
Goal	Explore, improve self-awareness	Training	Advice, second opinion
Attitude	Beginner's mind	Expert	Unbiased expert
Method	Active listening What, how	Teach, explain, use analogies	Specific questions 5x Why
Questioning	Ask open questions	Answer questions	Provide advice
Mode	Facilitate subject	Lead subject	Provide service to subject